My boyfriend wrote this when he felt he wasnt good enough for me, when he life was too complicated. He felt I was pure and that bringing his troubles into our relationship, he just couldnt do it. I know this is long but people really need to see this, He is such an amazing person with such beautiful words, he doesnt write much to me but when he does its amazing. He knows how to express himself, and I am so in love with him, he deserves me and I want to wake him up everyday feeling that way. He needs to know a guy so selfless, a guy willing to always put me first, a guy who is always protecting me without even knowing it, a guy who feels this way about me, is my perfect guy. A guy like this girls only dream of having to themself.
He wrote:
Life can only get worse when you lose the best thing in your life.
Although times are hard, the thought of a smile is instant and simple.
Her smile is what makes mine, her tears are what make mine, her laughter is what makes mine and her life is what gives me one.
There may be regret, but it’s only for the grief I’ve caused, never for the happiness.
The thoughts of leaving and never seeing her smile again and the memories we can make are what make it the hardest, not the memories of happiness we shared ..
I believe that you are the true first love of my life and I’ll never find anyone like you ever again, you’re my only source of truly being fulfilled in my life. I do regret the grief I’ve caused and am sure I will cause further if I don’t manage to fix up my life or trying to help myself. I apologize in advance for everything I’ve made you feel upset for throughout our relationship. I know that we’re very young and that it makes it a whole lot more difficult to be in a relationship, which is why it’s made it more than complicated for me. In order for two people to be in a relationship we both need to at least be satisfied with our own lives to be mildly satisfied with our relationship .. And I’m completely miserable with my life. Although, you may not be satisfied with your life but it can atleast be corrected with a few simple actions, mine obviously cannot. Theres about a hundred obstacles I have to overcome personally before I can feel 100% ready for a relationship, I don’t even feel like I’m emotionally stable enough to look after myself these days. Every morning I wake up and look at your beautiful face and feel bad for even being able to kiss you because I feel like I don’t deserve it, it hurts me everytime I make you upset. Though, I may not seem it during an argument because of my anger problems .. I do hurt the most when I think about being the reason for making you cry when I do. I wish I was never in the position to make you vulnerable because it pains me the most to know I am the only one who is. It’s not the fact that I don’t love you .. I always will and I will never stop, nobody can stop that, not even God if he existed … My main priority is and always will be looking after you, wanting to see that gorgeous smile and your big bright eyes ever so beautiful .. I’m always going to want to be included in your life even just as your good friend, I’m never going to let a soul hurt you, I’m always going to try my best to be the obstacle between you and pain. I’ve never written so much about a girl before in my life, and I’ve never wanted to .. I feel like I need to write this just to make sure I know where we stand .. I honestly don’t even know how this is going to sound to you when you read it but I just hope it leaves you with at least a tiny bit of closure. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world and I’m always gonna believe that, You’re the smartest girl and the only girl that can make me happy. Theres never going to be anyone as amazing as you, as purely innocent, as honest and kind hearted .. I can honestly say I’m proud to have even been associated with you and let’s just admit it .. Basically being crowned your boyfriend because it made me feel like a king, on top of the world like nobody compared to me .. cause heck, nobody did when I had someone as perfect as you.. I’m sorry it has to be this way and as painful as it will be .. But I feel its the right thing and only thing I can do to try and make myself feel a little bit satisfied with my own life and not want to run away every day. I love you with all my heart and I always will. ♥
I will love him always, I will never give up on this boy, my first love, my best friend you deserve the world. You showed me how to live again how to truly love and I’ll always be yours forever.
Her Tumblr: http://beautifulcontagiouslovestory.tumblr.com/