For the first time I miss you. I miss what we were, what we had, what we could’ve been. Lately I miss it all. But not because I want it back, not that at all, I miss it because for the first time I’m alone, truly alone, and I have no idea who I am. I’m a mix of who I was and who I want to be but I do not yet know who I am and that’s what is causing this. The fact that when I was with you I knew who I was, I was me and I was yours and I was safe; nothing in the world could touch me because I was on cloud nine. The sweet memories I have make it so easy to forget the sour ones, the ones that made me crash down from cloud nine like a ton of bricks; when I was with you I always crashed hard. I remember every detail of the highs and the lows but its still so hard to let go. I cant ignore my heart…but right now I can’t keep my head straight. I’m always going to love you, no matter how long it’s been no matter how many others there are, you were my first, my always and forever. Deep down I know forever doesn’t exist and always is an allusion but with you nothing ever felt so real. Which is why I’m here thinking about you, the way you looked at me, the way you said I love you and called me beautiful, the way I felt when I was in your arms. But at the same time I remember the way I felt the first time he told me follow my dreams, and when he stayed up with me till four a.m. because you broke my heart. The hours on end I could talk to him about everything and anything. I hate the way he could look at my face and know something was up, but never forced me to say anything. I always wore my heart on my sleeve and you were the only one to take advantage of it. I have to remind myself sometimes of the way it felt when you hurt me. I have to remind myself that you aren’t who I thought you were and that you hurt me purposely. Unfortunately that doesn’t make it any easier, it makes it worse, because you aren’t supposed to love the people who hurt you. You aren’t suppose to love someone after they walked away. So why do I still love you? Honestly I don’t think ill ever know the answer to that. All I know is that I did and do, but I also know that I will always love me more. So here’s to me, and my life, without you. My life will never be a fairytale ending, because I don’t need a prince charming.
by anonymous