December 1, 2011
To the Biggest Dummy in the World,
Everything has been a test… An obstacle… Just a trial to pass. Everything up to now has been a constant struggle for our relationship. From our age difference to our backgrounds, from widening the already wide distance between us to complicated feelings on what we wanted and needed at the time. Sometimes, I’d marveled on how far this had gone… In spite of everything.
Do you remember how we first met? Not in real life yet, I meant when we got to know each other on the net. You were with Kate at the time, still getting used to life of the U.S. because of being born and raised in the Philippines until you turned sixteen or seventeen. I, myself, was turning fifteen when I met you, going through my own life in high school. Initially, our common ground as being Filipino connected us (and I was particularly happy about this as it wasn’t often—if at all—that I got to chat to Filipinos on the net)… But as days passed by, little by little, we had other things in common. Manga, anime, video games, music… We had very similar tastes and they still remain up to now.
Of course, I have to laugh at our differences. How you can’t handle spicy food while I can. How you had a calm demeanor while my short temper showed itself. Violent as I may be, you retaliate it by poking fun at me either by my height or the fact that I eat a lot for such a skinny, tiny female. While you’re able to be easily amused, I try not to show it (and damn you for having me laugh out loud, anyway!).
Who would’ve thought the relationship would start off as a rebound? Even up to now, I sometimes wince at this fact. While you had other relationships with our other girl friends, I had stuck with Chris the whole time. When we broke up… It was so odd how you were there. Well, you and Charlie since you both knew Chris was going to break the relationship off, but you guys kept quiet for my sake. It was better that way, anyway, as I wished to hear it from my ex himself rather than friends. Even so, you comforting me was an odd occurrence of sorts since, at the time, I thought of you as the older brother I never had. And being the young teen I was, I was confused as well.
Of course, I was expecting the relationship not to last. Serious relationships, to me, are rare in the age group of teens. I really was bracing myself for the eventual heartbreak that would come. After all, you are older than me by three years and, for some reason, I had a strange feeling that you liked older women better. Perhaps, this was because I thought of myself as immature at times. You were in college while I was in high school, what else was there to see? Older women were definitely my competition and I knew I had no shot if that was what you preferred.
Little did I know, the feelings of brotherly love I had for you… It changed. I don’t know when I realized it, maybe when our first anniversary came around, but… I had an epiphany. That epiphany revealed that I loved you a lot more than I was willing to admit. For a while, I even denied those feelings in my heart because I was too scared to face it. I didn’t want something that wouldn’t last for long, so, at times, I wanted to run away.
But no matter how many quarrels we had, no matter how much crying I did, and distance certainly didn’t help matters (even up to now), you came back. You always, always came back and stuck by my side and you were more than willing to prove how much you loved me, no matter how crazy I drove you. Even hearing your voice gave me a vast sense of relief, especially right after having a fight, so I felt safe. I always felt safe, even now.
Meeting in real life was even better. Seventeen and nineteen-going-on-twenty, we were. I got to see you for the first time, not to mention I always wanted to go to California to see how it was like. Our first kiss in Disney’s California Adventure was a dream. I finally got to hold hands with you too… Ahhh, I was giddy. Giddy and girly, damn you, and you’re the only guy who’s managed to make me feel like that. Meeting your family was fun, how odd of me to be scared of your mom at first too (XD but knowing how much she loves to poke fun at me is both a relief and an annoyance; more on relief, though, because it just proves she likes me).
Then, before leaving to the Philippines, you visited me on my nineteenth birthday three years ago, New York getting warmer due to the approaching summer. That was fun… And how amusing and happy I was to see my friends also approved of you. Seriously; up to now, they say I’m gonna be the first of of our group to marry!
You leaving for Japan on that year was hard for me at first. But when I left to the Philippines for college, it was a temporary happiness as I knew your foreign exchange would be done by winter. When you went back to California, that was when things truly began to test us. Not only the distance… The timezones that were thrown into the mix, not to mention real life (you concerning family and work while I was adjusting to my new life and dealing with other people who would become my friends or enemies in the end).
Frustrations were there while anger, sadness, loneliness, and longing were shown each passing day. Everything that’s happened when I came here was a test of my own willpower and the strength of our relationship. So many things, all caught in a whirlwind, had sent the relationship on the rocks at one point. God, Catch 22, much? Never again do I ever want to hear the term again (XD and oops, I just mentioned it here).
The times when we’d exchanged gifts and letters when I was still home… It always made me look forward to checking the mail. Your first gift was a glass candle holder and a black necklace with matching earrings. I wonder if you remember what I first sent you, hm?
Ahhh, isn’t this a curse? XD Why is it that every time our anniversary comes around, we’re always physically separated?! And here we go again, me having an affair with school while you have work as your mistress.
But it’s all right. As long as I’m still with you, I don’t mind waiting for a reunion. Besides, I’ve a promise to keep and you do too. I hope you remember what it was or you shall regret the day I’ve become your girlfriend!
…A-And it’s not like I’m telling you this because I’m being lovey-dovey, you dork!
…Okay, I lied…
What I wanted to really say is…
Thank you for still being here up until now. Thank you for still being with me, through the good and the bad, through thick and thin, and, um…
ねゑ, ばか… 愛してる~ ♥ (Hey, dummy… I love you~ ♥)
Happy seventh anniversary. ♥
Love,
Your Short, Lolita-looking Tsundere Princess
Mine: http://thetomboylolita.tumblr.com
His: None