this post was inspired by a conversation that i had with a good friend of mine this evening. i’ve realized that i emotionally haven’t let go of these two people and never will, because each of them impacted me in some way, shape or form. one more than the other, but still each of them were important.
devin phillips. even though i knew you for a short amount of time, you were still someone very special to me. you were just a huge breath of fresh air and kept me on my toes. you made me smile and you always were trying to get me to try something new. when i didn’t get to attend your funeral because i didn’t find out about your passing away, i was really sad.
for those of you reading this, devin passed away on march 27th, 2008 of lymphoma. he and i knew each other for about a good 5 or 6 months. i met him i think through myspace, because that’s how most people met back in the day. we started spending time together, and he actually came to my 18th birthday party back in 2007.
this was him and my best friend from high school that night. he actually made the other person i’m about to mention in this post a little jealous (which i found hilarious at the time.)
i’ve never got to tell you goodbye in the proper manner because i’m not good with death at all. i think this post is to remind you and myself that you’re always in my heart and in my mind. the reason why these emotions were triggered this evening were for the following reason:
devin’s birthday is january 21, 1987. ironically enough, my little brother that i acquired approximately 2 years after his death’s birthday is january 21, 1991. my brother’s name is tevin. see the small connection there? i never really paid attention to that until this evening, but it seems to make sense. God has placed my brother in my life as a small living reminder of devin. as loosely related as they are, it’s still a small connection that i will always think about. and i will go ahead to say happy early birthday to devin. you’d be 24 in a couple days, you beautiful bastard.
so i think i should go to say here that i love my brother, tevin. and he’s always gonna be a special part of my life. and that just gave him that much more of a special place to me.
i love you, little broskii.
to the second part of this post…
ricardo ilias. for people that have known me for a while, they would know how important ricardo is to me. i’ve known ricardo since i was 10 years old. we actually met on a website where i lied and said i was 13, like he was. LMFAO. we basically grew up together. he was the only man i thought i could trust for the majority of my life. the first guy i ever loved, also. the real deep kind of love.
ricardo gave me hope, advice, love, everything i could ever need and ask for. and he did it up until he passed away. on september 11th, 2010, he died of a seizure, and after being on life support for 2 days, the doctors took him off since nothing else could be done. when i got the phone call he was dead, i couldn’t believe it. simply because i had just talked to him 4 days before. it just really threw me off…and i’m lowkey still in shock. but, i know God has a plan for everything so it wasn’t in vain.
ricardo was the guy that i was going to run away and get married to (when gay marriage finally became legal.) ever since i was a child, he and i planned to move to miami and get a condo together where he had a nice ass job and i was in school finishing up my degree so that i could get my nice ass job and we would have a luxurious ass life. of course we were just kids but we knew in the back of our minds, if we were ever single we would be together until the end of time. he was the one that spent all my birthdays since 17 with…and for my 21st birthday, he had huge plans to take me out and i was SO looking forward to them…but he didn’t get to make it until then. which hurt in many ways…
this is him at my 18th birthday party…
and this is him, his cousin and i at his 21st birthday party.
i miss him a lot to this day, and i appreciate my friends trying to help me forget how he was supposed to be the one to take me out for my 21st. he still is in my heart and will forever be with me in my mind. he was really hard to let go of, primarily because he was the only person in the world that i knew i would love unconditionally…no matter what, he was always going to be there. he went through all of my childhood and teenage struggles and even guided me along the way in my adulthood and first years of college. for that i can never repay him for all he’d done for me. i’m sad i never got to see him like we had planned on before he passed away…but i know he is my guardian angel along with devin up there in heaven. it’s hard to let him go, as he would be 24 today also…he was so young.
the reason why i feel like God still keeps him near me…
after Ricardo passed away, i acquired a new friend about a week after… his name is Edrico, or Rico for short. just like i used to call Ricardo. some other things about Edrico were just the same as Ricardo and I knew that Edrico was a Godsend…and was put in my life to never forget how important Ricardo was and still is to me. Ricardo’s birthday is January 5, 1987… which is a day before my best friend Charles’ birthday (January 6th). and Charles does things that remind me so much of Ricardo at times, and has kind of taken over as the guy in my life that I trust with my all… so for that, I have to shout out my best friend Charles here too.
thank you Charles, for being there and kind of taking over Ricardo’s physical role. without you, I don’t know where I would be.
Another thing that I will never forget is this picture of Ricardo and I…
for anyone that knows of Pokemon, they knew the relationship that Ash and Pikachu had. Pikachu was always loyal to Ash and fought right by his side, was his confidant and his everything…Ricardo was always my Ash. and he always took care of me the best he could. and for that i will eternally be grateful…
the month of january is a hard month emotionally for me to make it through, so i guess all in all, i just ask for prayers. i miss both these boys in their own special ways. they’re my guardian angels and God took them to heaven to take care of me, I know for sure, and their families and friends. i will never forget either of them and as hard as it is to reflect on our relationships and how much i love them, it has to be done.
Ricardo and Devin, I love the both of you. And you will both forever live on inside my heart and soul. You each are an intricate part of why I am the way I am today…and I will always continue to live my life for you guys as well as myself.
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emotionally going through, and missing you.
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