“Why can’t you ever understand how I feel? Why are you so cocky, and why does it have to be all about you?” I asked him.
“I just want you to tell me who said that you needed protection from me! Why am I such a horrible person to everyone? I want to know who the hell told you that I’m not safe and that all I want is to get in your pants.”
“No! Stop asking me. I can’t trust you with my heart anymore. You’re breaking it.”
“You know, fine. I can’t talk to you anymore right now. Good night. I hope you’re happy that you just lost me.”
That was three days ago. Yesterday, he showed up at my door.
His truck pulled up, I could hear it from a mile away. He parked by my mailbox. Then he crossed my yard, and knocked on the door. It took me about 30 minutes to go and open the door, and see him still sitting on my front porch waiting for me to talk to him.
He started the conversation by saying: “Why haven’t you talked to me? You haven’t called, or texted, or anything. Why?”
“Because Jacob, all you do is worry about you. Sometimes, you don’t even do that much. I can’t keep having people come to me constantly and tell me that you’re a bad guy. And it’s exhausting because while I’m sitting here trying to figure out what you want, you’re walking around flirting with other girls like I mean nothing! Do I even mean something to you? Have I ever?”
“Of course you do. I wouldn’t be at your door if you didn’t mean something. I just..I don’t know what you mean to me yet. You’re a new feeling. You make me feel amazing, and refreshed. You’re genuine, and you have the most beautiful eyes. The amount of love in your body is overwhelming for me. I can’t get enough of you, and it scares me. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to see you in pain because of me. I CAN be a bad guy. I have been before. Hell, I was yesterday! You have such a fragile body, but such a strong heart. Stronger than mine. I’m terrified and I don’t know what I’m doing because I’ve never felt this way before.”
“I just want you to be mine. Not some of mine. Not mine, and a girl from the coffee shop, and a girl from the baseball field. ALL of mine.”
“Damn it girl, listen to me!” But instead of talking, he showed me.
Then, it all faded. The tension, the anger, the sadness. Because he kissed me. It was like my world was unraveling underneath my feet. Like the sun had pulled away from the Earth and corrupted the center of gravity. Like I was flying, and all I could feel was the warmth of his body against mine. He was perfect. His 5 o’clock shadow was perfect. His brown eyes were perfect. His height. His fingers over mine. His dimples. His flaws were perfect. He was all that I wanted, and he had just given himself to me. He showed me who he really is. He pushed aside his pride, his ego, his conceitedness for me. I didn’t care about what anyone said about him anymore. I didn’t care that he had already experienced things that I never plan on experiencing because I loved him. I do still love him. I always have, and I never plan on stopping. I was his, and now he is mine.
I have faith in our relationship. I have faith in him. And in myself to be strong through this. It isn’t going to be easy, but I’m going to have the time of my life with this boy.
by anonymous