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In 2007 we met in a way I thought uncommon, maybe not to others but to me it was. The internet. We...

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In 2007 we met in a way I thought uncommon, maybe not to others but to me it was. The internet. We had only really talked one day but there was an instant connection, after wards I had left out of the country only for two weeks, even to this day you swear I was gone for months, but it was only two weeks. I came back and somehow you remembered it was my birthday and wished me a happy birthday and it was from that moment on we had kept a good constant of communication. I remember admitting to you that I “liked” you before but I was over it now, and you said you felt the same way but had a girlfriend. Despite how awkward it might have been we still remained friends and finally that one day got to talk via webcam. You always tell me the first thing you saw was the back of my head and though I don’t recall that I remember you telling me that when you saw my face for the first time through a blurry camera lens that I was beautiful. Of course you didn’t tell me this right away, we were both shy. The days went on and on and we kept talking via webcam more and more. We got creative with index cards, made silly faces, I would purposely make myself black and white so you wouldn’t see me blush. I would go to sleep at night wondering “is this what love feels like? but its to soon to even say love” even if it has been months that we were friends. It wasn’t until that day you called me out about my statuses in which I claimed “I wanna tell you, but I can’t I’m shy.” and asked “Is there something you wanna say to someone?” and I said “Yeah, but I’m just afraid of the outcome and I just can’t said it, I’m afraid.” You then said “Oh, well I can’t help you there.” The first time I felt an awkward silence with you it was in those five minutes from when you said you couldn’t help me to when you said “Okay, the truth is I like you and I couldn’t tell you because I was afraid of the outcome…” no more than two seconds later you said “Please don’t stay quiet…” I responded and told you exactly how I felt and we were both happy, and then you asked me to be your girlfriend and I accepted. Unfortunately the webcam was off at the time in which all of this happened, but if you were to ask me again even now I swear the reaction would be the same from when you first asked me. That same night, you told me “I love you” and I was too shocked to even reply and I left the conversation with a “Bye!<3”

That same day at  4 in the morning we were talking, and I finally told you “I love you.” That was the best moment in my life. Once we got to a point of talking on the phone and the stupid way I made my friends give you my number because I was too afraid to do it myself, you always did and still always do poke fun at the way it happened.

Months past, once we got over the “honeymoon phase” things took a turn for the worst, we broke up many times, seven to be exact, and I did bad things to you behind your back, but you weren’t the only victim I know the things you did behind my back, I never told you though.

We got back together the seventh time and you claimed it was “part two in the story of our love, turning the page, a new chapter” but after I messed it up and you dealt with me and the pain I caused you for three months after you finally let it go, for the last time.

After all the drama my family caused, the negativity we heard, everything we managed to make it to 2 years and ten days. Of course you call it a “broken” two years but we still loved the idea of two years together.

I ended up being in a new relationship, you in many many others that didn’t work out. I remember that night when I was with my new boyfriend we talked until late night, like we used too and you asked for me back and I was shattered. I knew, YOU knew that the current guy I was with I didn’t love. Even after the breakup you remained my best friend and I told you everything, every flaw with him, how I hated it and you wanted me back and what did I do? I didn’t take your offer… I regret to this day. After he and I broke up I was ready to be with you but you told me that you had moved on and that hope that was hanging on a string you had for us, was cut.

Now we barely talk as much as we used to, but if we do its rare. Even now when I even get a text from you I light up and I get the butterfly feeling in my stomach, its a feeling I want back. You’re the one guy I can’t get over, but who can forget their first love right? It’s something that stays with us forever. I’m just afraid I can’t forget you, I can’t move on cause you’re still etched onto me, my heart, my brain. I always say that if you call me or text me I’ll never pick up and I’ll ignore you but I can’t. I still love you and I hate it when you make me tell you how I feel only to let me down but the same words that give me courage break me down. You, you let me down easy.

And if you were to ask for me back, I would accept in a heartbeat, no matter how many miles between us.

I love you.

by anonymous


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