I simply can’t believe the way I feel in words. I’ve been dating guys for the past 2 years but it never works out the way I want it to. It feels like a constant obstacle of struggles. I think it’s because of the fact that I’m comparing them to my ex-boyfriend. He was what defined a perfect boyfriend. A boy that’ll be there for me no matter what, someone that accepted me as I was and didn’t care about what people thought of me. We would laugh uncontrollably over stupid things that only the two of us understood. He was my joy and I was his comfort. Unfortunately we broke up because I got too caught up in my own world of partying. He always complained about how I don’t sacrifice any of my time for him anymore but I chose to shrug it off and go back to drinking my life away. I thought I didn’t need him but I realized that he was my confidante and when I came to notice, it was much too late. He found himself another main squeeze and I think about what we could have been until this day. That year of an on and off relationship makes me believe in true love. Makes me believe that there is a significant other out there for you. I wish things can go back to the way it was but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Maybe one day…. on day it’ll work out again. I wish I can have people who would relate to me but I am too scared to open up about this. I am risking it by posting who I am but if it’s meant for my friends to read the I guess it’s worth it in the end. I wish people can just tell me that it’ll be alright but I have trust issues so I can’t ask. I just ended it with a guy yesterday and I guess it got me thinking about why it didn’t work out. Aside from his gangster lifestyle, I guess I kind of expect too much. I expect him to give me his undivided attention like how my ex-boyfriend did. I overlooked his lifestyle at first because I saw his genuine and sensitive side and he told me that he was willing to change but he’s not going to and… I don’t know. I just need to find my comfort zone again and I need to accept that fact that all guys are not the same. Soon enough I’ll be able to let him go.
↧