by tjisawsome
Note: This is a look into my own personal life. No names will be used in this reflection of my past. My opinions about relationships/love will also be shared.
In the past eight years, I have found myself trying to learn what love is. As a young child, I associated loving with kissing and hugging. I “loved” a girl in pre-school; I kissed her on the cheek. Adorably enough, we shared the same birthday. She didn’t “love” me though and she told the teacher what I did. I’ll fast forward eight years to when my friends started having relationships worth discussing.
Dating, slow dancing with girlfriends, giving gifts on Valentine’s Day, and watching a movie with a girl by yourself were all events that were unfamiliar to me. I had no such experiences during my elementary years. The most exposure to these types of activities were from my cousin. He had many girlfriends and interestingly enough I was exposed to a lesbian relationship around that time on a double-date.
In 7th grade, my friends tried setting me up this girl. She shared similar characteristics: short, Filipino.
“She’s perfect for you.” one of my friends said.
I experimented with the idea and I couldn’t find it within me to maintain the “relationship”. We did not last longer than a week. I just did not like her back and I’m a heartbreaker for that.
Lesson 1
Cute looking couples do not necessarily make compatible couples.
When you—this includes the matchmakers—draw a relationship based off a few similarities, it doesn’t account for chemistry. Like chemistry, you can propose a reaction will occur between two reactants, but you also have to examine conditions like pressure and temperature. As you can see, you can produce the product with pressure. Instead of temperature, you have to examine attraction. Enjoy the short chemistry lesson?
By the end of 8th grade, I found myself attracted to a short Filipino girl. I’ll call her Jasmine. She was far too pretty though and me with no confidence—this is my thinking in retrospect. I totally forgot about the importance of attraction, but I didn’t know that then. Did I mention she had an amazing singing voice? I would talk to her and try to get her attention. She figured out I was one of the guys who liked her, but I denied that accusation. I actually wanted to remove my feelings for her; I thought I could “get over her” during my vacation. Unfortunately, thoughts of her still lingered when I saw her again.
At the beginning of freshman year, I found out she had a boyfriend. This meant that I could casually talk to her, or at least try to. I had hope that someday I could have a chance to date her. She broke up with that boy within a few weeks. I found out there was nothing serious and it looked like I could get closer to her. On my fifteenth birthday, she gave me a kiss goodbye on the cheek, like most Filipinos do. It was probably nothing to most people, but it made me happy inside. I knew it was really had no affectionate connotation to it, but I just wanted to enjoy it.
I thought to get her a Christmas gift with no plans to take initiative. I bought her favorite candy, wrapped it up, and gave it to her. She thanked me through a text message and I learned later that I would get my own gift.
“You know you’re really sweet and as much as I think I can have feelings for you, I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair for you or me. You know?”
Lesson 2
You can’t force someone to like you. It doesn’t matter how sweet, attractive, or charming you are to the opposite sex. If they don’t like you, it’s something you have to accept. You shouldn’t work against the idea.
Someone thought that was common sense, but that’s not true at all. There are people who will fight a battle they know they cannot win. In that case, they are not really driven by love, but by desire instead.
by tjisawsome