For the past three years I’ve done nothing but have given you my all. You’re everything I have ever dreamed about wanting. You’re what every girls perfect ideal man is. The fact that you think I would EVER even think about leaving you kills me beyond words. I’ve done everything I can to keep you for the past three years. I’ve never once left you or have been unfaithful. Everyone who knows us knows this. There’s no denying my love at all for you. I’m crazy about you. I’ve never been this way towards anyone, and I can only assume it’s because I’m actually in love with you. I just wish you could see what everyone else see’s. Every single time you’ve left me, I’ve been there fighting for you like I swore I would. I haven’t done anything at all to lose your trust. Every girl that has even tried talking to you these past few years has given up because they know they will never ever love you or care for you as much as I do. When you left me for 13 months, I thought it was for good. I went insane. I was crushed and heartbroken. Nothing has ever hurt me or affected me so badly. There aren’t any words to explain the heartbreak I went through losing you to a girl who knew nothing about you. And even she admitted that she would never love you as much as I do. And still to this day, she’s even admitted that we’re perfect for each other. She’s came to me and even told me that if you were to ever leave me that you’d be stupid, because she’s never seen a girl so in love with someone. Everyone but you seems to see how unconditionally in love with you I am. I’ve given up everything. I’ve quit my job, I dropped out of public school to talk to you more, and graduate early so I can live with you. I’ve been saving up every penny to be with you. You’re the first boy my parents have ever even heard about. I don’t give the slightest fuck about any other guy, because there’s no guy out there that’s perfect for me the way you are. If I ever went another day without you being mine, I honestly don’t know what I would do. I was so, so lost without you. You can ask all of our friends, and even you yourself knows. It just hurts me any time you think I would ever give up the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I first met you, I never planned on falling in love with you. I never even planned on talking to you after the first night I met you. I just thought of you as another cute guy I would never have a chance with. But I fell for you as we started talking everyday just after that one night Alex introduced us. I fell in love with you quickly without even trying. You had so many girlfriends that summer, and I was just there stuck being your best friend that never had the chance with you. I waited months for you, until you finally became mine. I remember every part of the day when you officially became mine. I can’t remember a day I’ve ever been happier. I was head over heels for you. I loved showing you off to all my friends, anyone I would talk to, I would just go on and on and on about you. Months and months went by, and every day being with you made my life. Just when I would think I couldn’t fall any deeper for you, you proved me wrong. November of 2010, the first time you ever proposed to me, and made a swear that one day we would get married, that was honestly the first time I’ve ever cried from being so happy. Being with you was enough for me, because never in a million years did I ever think I had the chance to be with you, but the fact that you loved me back, made my life. You completed me. I remember the first fight we ever had, we were both up until six in the morning on a school night, I couldn’t stop crying because I thought that was the night I was going to lose you. I didn’t know what to do. Any other boyfriend I’ve ever had, has never had this impact on me. I have never cried, or had feelings this strong about ANYONE. I remember the 24 page text I had sent you that night. I couldn’t let you easily slip out of my life over just one simple fight. I couldn’t lose my world. And finally when we made up, I had never felt so relieved in my life. I just wanted to hold you forever and never let you go. I couldn’t bear to be that scared again. The first year with you, was my longest relationship. I remember everything about it. I was so in love. Any girl that tried flirting with you, I just wanted them to go far, far, far away and never talk to you again. I’ll be damned if I ever let some girl take away the one person that means everything to me. Then there was all last year that happened. When you met her, I was so confused. I didn’t know what she had or did for you that I didn’t. I spent months, literally, no exaggeration, just up every night crying over you. It’s not like I wanted to, I just couldn’t help myself. I was hurt to the point where I could physically feel it. For months I couldn’t sleep, eat, or focus on anything. I’d spend my days sleeping, and my nights up crying just thinking about how I ever let you just go to some other girl. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was a mess. I’m not going into detail, because you know what happened. But I have never been so crushed about anything in my life. I never ever cry or care about anything. I’m not sensitive at all. And then there’s you. You’re the only thing that can get to me. Everyone use to tell us how stupid we were. Because when I first was with you, I was just 13 years old. Everyone told us that we wouldn’t make it, and that we weren’t in love. No one believed us. But I had sworn to you that if I had ever lost you, I’d go out of my way and do anything I could to try and get you back. That’s exactly what I did. I kept my word, no matter how much it annoyed you. I humiliated myself and spilt my heart out to you every day for 13 months. All the guys I dated last year? None of them lasted for a reason. None of them were you. I didn’t want anyone but you. I tried giving up. I tried everything to move on from you, but I couldn’t. Just when I decided to give up and finally let you go a few months ago, you came back into my life. I thought I was dreaming the first time you talked to me, I honestly did. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t think it was real. I thought you were just going to tell me how much you hated me and how happy you were that I was finally leaving you alone. That same day when you told me you still loved me. That second, I finally felt happy for the first time in 13 months. When I finally heard your voice again, I found what was missing. I had always known it was you, but I finally felt content. And the day you FINALLY became mine again, dear god, you’ll never understand how happy I was. Never. Actually, today marks the third month that we’ve been back together officially. And just within these three months, I can’t remember a time I’ve ever felt happier. There’s no emotion to describe to you how you make me feel. I’m so thankful to have you back, and have you in my life. I would do anything just to have you as mine in my life forever. I love so much, baby. You make me the happiest girl in the world just being mine, you make me terrified every second of the day of the possibility or losing you, and you make me feel loved like no one has ever made me feel. So when you tell me that you feel like I don’t want you anymore, you can understand why it hurts me so badly. I would do anything humanly possible for you. You tell me, and it’s done. Call me obsessed, I really don’t care. I’m just beyond in love with you. I don’t you ever want to think even for a second that I would even consider leaving you. You’re my everything. You’re the only thing in this world that matters to me. There’s no cheesy quotes or little love songs I can you to try and show you how much you mean to me. But I’m telling you this, spilling my heart out to you, publicly to let you and everyone else know that I would never do anything to hurt you, or even lose you. If this isn’t reassuring, please tell me what I can do to prove to you that I mean it when I say I’ll never leave you, and that I swear to love you unconditionally for the rest of my life. I will never care about another person the way I care for you. Three years later, and I’m more in love than ever. I swear I will be anything you want me to be, I can do anything you want, just don’t give up on me. If I had to walk the earth 1,000 times, I’d do it because I love you. If you wanted me to go on the highest mountain with a clown; which you know scares me horribly, I would. Just to show you I’d do anything for you. My biggest fear is losing you. A day without you is unbearable. And I’d do anything just to make you a part of my everyday life for the rest of my life. I meant everything in this. Every word. I can go on and on and on just explaining my feelings for you, but there isn’t enough time in the world just to go on. So please, just trust me when I tell you I love you. That I’m in love with you, and I want you for as long as I live. I want you in my life every day for the rest of forever. In four months I’ll be 17, and you’ll be living with me. I can finally wake up to that gorgeous face, and fall asleep with you every night. There’s nothing more that I want than just to have you. You’ve had my heart from the start, and even when you don’t want it, it’ll always be yours.
↧