The long wait is over. This is really is it.
I still can’t get it to my head that I’m going to finally meet, for the very first time, the person that I used to have strong feelings for. I can still remember how he randomly messaged me on facebook about 2 years ago, same month of year 2010. I can never forget our late-night MSN chats, how he made me feel so special, how he made me like him so much, how me replaced me with some girl, and how he left me hanging. We kind of stopped talking for months, quite a long time, so I thought this could never happen. That he is not coming to see me anymore. That there will never be a chance. We did have a chance to catch up once and kinda started talking since then. He booked a flight. Now, he is coming. He is actually on his way and will touch down Manila in a few hours. And here I am, still anxiously waiting. Trying to get rid of this anxiety.
Honestly, I don’t know. I thought everything is over. Completely over. But why is it that when he told me he’s already got his ticket and he is coming to see me, I felt something in my stomach? It was strange. Since then, I couldn’t stop thinking about the whole thing. About so many things. I’ve been worrying over a lot of shit like.. what if he’s not going to like me as much as he used to? What if he’ll be disappointed by this trip? What if he’s going to like someone else during his stay? What if I was right when I thought we really are not meant to be? A lot of what if’s and I’m afraid. So afraid. This is the first time in a long time that I liked someone this much and what sucks is that we never really dated or at least met in real. I hate that I’m not supposed to be feeling this way or asking these questions. Because me and him, are just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. I know he has been kind of a jerk but I guess this is one of the things I just gotta face. He sees me as his good friend and I.. I’m like allowing him to break me. This all just made me realize one thing though. Maybe, just maybe, I never stopped loving this person. I thought I did but I did not, because as what people say, feelings that come back are feelings that never went away..
February 2010 ^