i’ve followed this blog for over a year now and i was always wondering when it would be my turn to sumbit something. i never really thought i would, and the person that i thought i would be able to submit… well he wasn’t all that i thought he was. for a while, i didn’t think love existed. sure, i mean, i loved my family and my friends… but i mean raw, real, true love. the stuff you see in movies. the rare ocurance that only a select few ever get to experience themselves, first hand. but then i met this guy. and my view of everything changed.
they say your first love teaches you mostly things about yourself. and yeah, the guy i thought i first ‘loved’ taught me a lot about myself—that i shouldn’t settle for something or someone that was less than what i deserved.
but here’s jeffrey martin. honestly, passing him in the halls of highschool, i just thought he was a pretty face. the physical attraction i felt to him was a silly crush, something i never acted on. he was a friend of a friend, but we’d never had a full on conversation. i didn’t know anything about him other than the fact that he had been in a long term relationship (two years) and that i had no chance in being anything in him.
but then we had gym class together. swimming. i remember the first time we spoke to each other. if you could even call it that. i made a sarcastic comment to one of the kids in our class and he was nearby me in the pool. he laughed at what i said. i didn’t know yet, but that was the start of something beautiful.
classes ended and school was let out for the summer. jeff and i never communicated. i saw him a few times at our mutual friends house but i never had a conversation with him. i heard about the breakup with his girlfriend. it’d been dragged out, dramatic, and full of fights and swears and hurtful words. they didn’t speak anymore. i felt bad for him, i’d been there before and i knew the stress of it all.
but anyway. one night there was party. and that’s when him and i really met. we talked, we kissed, we became friends. we got to know each other. i didn’t think anything would come out of it, but for some reason, i felt like something clicked in me.
we ended up sleeping together that night, and literally i mean sleeping, because it was a party and people were drinking so no one was leaving. looking back on it now, it was probably weird to think that the first night we met and talked for real we did that, but just know this: the relationship he and i have is not your normal relationship. but sleeping with him that night… i can honestly say it was the best sleep i had gotten in a while. even though the bed was uncomfortable and even though i didn’t think he’d want to stick around or be around me or anything, he slept next to me.
and after that our relationship formed. he got my number and we texted, non stop. and we haven’t stopped. every morning he texts me ‘goodmorning’ or ‘goodmorning beautiful’ and every night he calls me to say goodnight. i see him everyday, and i mean everyday. i dont even know how i couldn’t see him everyday… the thought of one day and not seeing him makes me feel weird, like i forgot to brush my teeth or something. he tells me all the time how special i am to him, and i honestly can feel so much with him. i have no many feelings for him that i can’t put them into words.
the first time he said I love you, i cried. i’ll never forget the moment when he said he had something to tell me. he looked so nervous, so anxious. at first, he wouldn’t tell me because he didn’t know how i would react. but the stress of not knowing was killing me. after a little bit of begging, he finally gave in and told me. he looked me straight in the eye and said it. “I love you.” for a moment, i sat there, shocked, and then i felt elation forming in my chest. butterflies in my stomach. my heart skipped a beat. and i immediately said it back, never being so sure of something in my life.
i’m studying psychology and one of the things i’ve learned is that when it comes to strong emotions, your body betrays you physically. the little body language motions and physical reactions to emotions are involuntary. you can’t control them. your heart rate increases, your palms sweat, your pupils dialate. and when jeff said “i love you” to me, all of that happened. i knew what was going on and i liked it.
jeff is my everything. without him, i dont know what i would do. before him, i was just fresh out of a shitty relationship. a shitty situation that involved cheating, lies and drama. something that i was so far into it i couldn’t even get myself out of it. but the second i started talking to him, really talking to him, i asked myself, what the fuck am i doing? and the fact that i saw someone who cared so much about me made me feel so much better.
he’s there for me for everything. he’s not only my boyfriend, he’s my best friend. no one in this world knows me better. he’s the person i can cry to, complain to, laughing with, cry with and not be ashamed. i can’t hide things from him, and i don’t need to. the amount of understanding and trust in this relationship is something that i don’t think exists in many places. i wouldn’t change it for the world.
i love you baby, always and forever<3