Have you ever had that one person who just came into your life and took you by storm? One who consumed your heart, mind, and soul all at the same time? I never knew that it was possible to feel that particular way about a person, until I met you. You were the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You were the best thing that was close to mine.Yet, you were also the worst thing that has hurt me. You drew the biggest gash in my heart. You, changed me.
I was that girl, one that believed in love and didn’t care much about the physical parts of a relationship. I always swore my first kiss would have to mean something, with someone special, and for me to do anything sexual with a guy, we’d have to be together. I never supported hook ups, friends with benefits, and just messing around. I had morals. I lived by them. Some even told me that part of the reason I never had anyone was because I was so stuck on my moral of an innocent yet naive girl.
When I met you, those ideas flew out the window. I wanted you. Physically and emotionally. You made me feel things I had never felt before. I didn’t like it. Everything was so new to me. I felt so brand new, new to all these things that suddenly attracted me, things that irked my curiosity. It was all you. Being with you, I stepped out of my fantasy world and walked into yours. You made me forget my beliefs and made me believe that it was okay. In the back of my mind, I didn’t like what I was doing but with you, it just felt right. I had never felt that way before. With you, I felt like we belonged.
I love the sweet rushes that you give me. It’s like my own drug. I wanted more and more each time. Once, we almost made love without even realizing it. And that scared me. It scared me not because of what we were doing but because I wasn’t even sure if we were anything to begin with. We never had a label. We never called each other girlfriend and boyfriend. We were just good friends in everyone else’s eyes and behind closed doors, we were tangled in each others’ arms. But I loved every minute of it.
But now, what are we? Nothing. You like me but you can’t be with me. I like you and I want to be with you. I just don’t quite understand. I need a reason, I need a real explanation. I want closure. For once, just tell me the truth. I don’t want anymore bullshit and excuses. I don’t want to go through my whole life wondering what was so wrong with me that you don’t want to be with me, especially after everything you’ve told me and the secrets we’ve kept between one another.
You meant something to me, more than you think, more than I’d ever show. And I’m just hoping that to you, I wasn’t just another girl in your parade to brag about.
By Anonymous