I didn’t want to submit a picture because… Well, I don’t really have one that would show love, but I feel like telling my story because I just have to get it out.
First of all, I’m in this amazing band. We’re not serious or original yet, but we play out every weekend and people really love us. When I first joined this band, I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and wasn’t looking to put myself through this again. Little did I know, I would end up falling in love with one of my closest friends.
I don’t want to give out our names in fear someone who knows either one of us might see it, but he plays guitar and keys in the band. We didn’t instantly become close, but when we did, it was like magic. Every time I’m with this guy, it feels like I’m in a movie. I truly understand what the love songs on the radio mean or how it feels to finally just be happy when you’re with someone. We have so much in common. He’s even been teaching me little by little how to play guitar much better than I do right now. He listened to my original songs I wrote and he supports me so thoroughly.
Back in October, we had a gig at this place called Germain Arena. After the gig, my sister, brother, a friend an I were planning on going to this Halloween event called Zombicon. He heard about it and asked I he could tag along ‘cause there was a band there that wanted him to play. We drove him there and he went onstage and played. I acted so fangirl over him. It was cute. We split up so he could go hang with his other friends, but he found us towards the end of the night. On the way back into town, he realized that his car was at our other guitarist’s house an they were asleep, so he asked if he could crash at my place. We told him he could. My sister’s ex-husband bought a huge bottle of Ciroc and we all got drunk at my house. Then, my crush wanted to stay up all night playing video games in my room. It started out innocent, but then turned romantic.
That was the first time he kissed me. The whole night was so romantic. We stayed up all night, cuddling, talking, and kissing. I finally felt complete at that one single moment. I just knew I wanted to be with him, but after that night, things got confusing. No one said anything about how the other felt. We acted completely oblivious to the fact that there was more between us, but I always caught him staring at me, and he would always give me the nicest hugs all the time. Then, last month, I found out he liked someone else (kind of) and things just became a mess. I wanted to cry every time I saw him, which was hard, because we’re in a band with one another and we had to see each other a lot. The signals were still mixed, too, because he still stared at me, he still was flirty, and I started to think that he was using me to forget this other girl. I was angry, sad, and I felt worthless. I wanted to die because it was the second time in less than a year that I had been used by a guy.
Well, this past weekend, EVERYTHING changed. What started out as another weekend from Hell, became the most incredible weekend in my life. I just recently got my hair done up into a scene hairstyle and everyone was going crazy over it. When I got to the venue we were working at on New Year’s Eve, he started playing with my hair and talking about how pretty it was and how he loved it. My sister just rolled her eyes ‘cause she was assuming he was being a jerk to me again. After we finished the gig, we went back to our other guitarist’s house and all of us got drunk. The guitarist suggested that my sister and I just crash at his place. I offered to sleep in the living room, since I was so drunk, I could hardly even move. After a while, I sobered up, but everyone was pretty much sleeping, except for me, my crush, and his friend. She eventually left and it was just me and him all alone. The first thing he did was grab me and pull me on the couch. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again. I didn’t quite get what was going on again, but we started talking. It turns out, he does like me back, but what sucks is that the other guys in the band aren’t OK with it. They’re worried that if something goes wrong between the two of U’s, it’ll drag the band down.
It hurts to know that we can’t be together. It hurts because every time we’re together, it feels so right. He crashed at my house the next night, and he hugged me and kissed me goodnight before going to bed and… It just felt so right being in his arms. It felt so right looking into his eyes and him holding me close to his chest as I listened to his heart beat. I really am in love with him, but it can’t be this way. The hardest part is, I know he’ll find someone else. I know that there will be another girl and I just can’t bear it, but at the same time… I’m glad I know the truth. I’m glad that I know that the feelings are there. I’m glad that he wants to kiss me as badly as I want to kiss him whenever we’re together. I’m glad I’ve finally got some understanding over this whole situation because not knowing the truth can really screw you up. The hard part for me now will be to hide these feelings from everyone else and not get pissed off if he falls for another girl. But I still have hope that things may work out. No one knows. I’m just glad we found each other. I’m glad I have a friend like him who has so much faith in me, who pushes me to be the very best I can be, and who inspires me at every turn. Even if we never get to date one another, I hope he’s always going to be there for me, and I think I’ll always hold a special place in my heart for this boy. I think I’ll always love him, no matter where life takes us. He is my Evangeline.
By anonymous