almost 2 months has passed…and nothing has changed.
we met last 2009…they often tease us because they usually see us talking &laughing together.i just broke up with my bf..and he,on the other hand is getting tired of everything.By the way,he has a gf that time.I needed distraction &he wants to be motivated.I’m beginning to like him and next thing I know,I’m already falling for him.But then,i can’t afford to lose our friendship.Our co-workers would say that we’re perfect..that we should be together.Last 2010 he broke up with his gf of 10 years.He’s pretty good at hiding his feelings but in his eyes..I can see his sadness.I was there for him when noone else can.I let him talk &I just listen.I would often crack some corny jokes when I notice him being silent.Then he will laugh.And I’ll just look at him,thinking..is it possible for him to fall for me?I’m nothing compared to his ex.Funny,but I often pray that he will love me.So pathetic.Few months has passed and he was able to move on.I started to distance myself..if I won’t…i might fall harder for him.But he started doing stuff for me that he doesn’t usually do.I was confused.Next thing I knew,he’s telling me that he loves me.I asked WHY?He said there’s something in me that gave him the courage to try again.It took long for him to admit it to his self..he even asked our friends what I might think of.I love him that much that I said YES.My prayers got answered.
It’s not the smartest decision I made..but it’s all worth it.I’ve been telling this a thousand times..but being with him is one of the happiest moments of my life.He made me a better person.
Then one day,I just felt that there’s something wrong.I asked him but he just smiled.Days passed..and things are starting to change.We don’t talk and stay together that much.I feel like I’m about to lose him.I tried to talk about it..but he refused.I decided not to bother him,maybe he’s busy.A month has passed,still no change.I texted him,sent him a letter..just to talk.I decided to wait for him after our shift.He was surprised because I waited for 1 hour.I asked him to meet me at the church.He came.I was about to say something..but I felt that I’m about to cry.He explained why he acted that way..that he is pressured over almost everything.He said it’s better if there’s no commitment for now.I had a lot of questions,but I just stared at him,unable to say a word.I cried.I love him that much that I had to let him go.He needed it.And i don’t have a choice.
I had a lot of sleepless nights…been thinking what would’ve happened if I didn’t let him go.We work on the same office..and seeing him everyday is like a torture.People would ask what happened..and I just smile.It was hard pretending that everything’s alright.He already moved on…while I’m here stucked on this loneliness.It’s been 2 months..and I still cry.Friends would tell me that I deserve someone better.That he’s not worth it.That I should focus on other things.That I should move on.I tried..who wants to be lonely anyway?I would go out with my friends…do stuff that I don’t usually do,just to distract my attention.But whenever I look at him..I would wish that he’ll come back.He’s my greatest “what if”.
Just because I still love him doesn’t mean I can’t move on.I won’t force myself..I’ll let it be.I believe in second chances.Maybe it’s not our time yet.They said it won’t help if my mind is set to thinking that he’ll come back..coz that means I’m still hoping.I just smile.I’m not hoping,to be honest.I know what I’m doing.I don’t have to explain to them why.
If there would be anyone..it would still be him.
by anonymous