——When I first met him, all I could do was think: how am I going to keep this memory of him? Well, I decided that writing letters to him (no matter how long or short) was the only way to keep this memory of him forever. Below is the collection of letters that were to my summer boy.
Dear you,
We started work together and since I saw you first I’ve been attracted to you. We hung out the other day and got high on cathedral ledge. There’s nothing more perfect right now.
See you at work tomorrow, dork.
Dear you,
I’m afraid I might be getting way too close/attached to you. Never have I fallen so quickly for someone, but you’re different than the rest. After our first few times hanging out, you finally made a move tonight. I was surprised to feel your grasp on my hand just before I got out of your car, and the way you pulled me towards you and mumbled before you kissed me made me melt inside.
We’re kinda awkward sometimes, but it’s adorable. Why’d you ask me if it was good? Of course it was good. But darling, you’re going to college in a matter of weeks.
Do you know what you’re doing to me? Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?
Dear you,
You’re picking me up today once you get out of work, and I’m overjoyed. You seem to know how to make me extremely happy— not a lot of people know how to do that, so good job. I’m wondering if this is going to last or if this is just going to be one of those “summer flings” people read about or watch in movies. I hope we continue to talk when you’re gone, but I can’t be unrealistic. Yes, of course I like you… but you’re going to be a freshman in college, 3 hours away from here.
I like to give you the benefit of the doubt, though. You are quite a gentleman— or so it seems. Only time will really tell.
Dear you,
Hi. There’s just a lot I’d like to say to you right now: It’s been a short few weeks, but they’ve been great ones, mainly because you were there. You don’t know it, but you came into my life at a very interesting time; and while my life is still.. well… just as interesting— it’s a lot easier to get by knowing that you’re there. I realize so much about myself with your help, you know. Really made me stop and enjoy the little things in life. We’re so lucky when we’re together, and it makes me so happy knowing that I’ll have these memories with you. And even though you’re leaving, and we wont talk as much when you’re gone (despite what you say), I just want you to know that I’ve had a great few weeks with you during my last summer legally as a kid. I’m the luckiest person to have met you, given our circumstances. We might part when all is said and done, but I’ll always remember you and the times we’ve spent together. Thank you so much.
:3
Dear you,
School started just a little over three weeks ago and I’m already 100% stressed over anything and everything. I don’t even think it’s your fault anymore, though. I try to blame you for why I feel so flustered, because honestly I don’t know what else to blame it on. But this time it’s different, you’re a guy I value to have in my life and I’m not going to psychologically make myself turn to hate you… or be one of those girls who can’t stand to look at their prior crush due to some underlying backstory.
I mean, yeah, when I see you in pictures it makes me sad; it adds to my level of stress and most of the time there is never a good outcome afterwards. I’m glad to see you’re happy and although you probably don’t remember half (or more) of the times those pictures were taken, it still stings a little. Bittersweet, if I may.
But when I think about you, the you that I knew at one point— no matter who you are now, I’m happy. I know that you’re treating a very lucky girl with the best care; you were always such a gentleman, that’s for sure. I like remembering you that way— and knowing that, even for a brief moment [no matter how long or short I knew you for], things were truly beautiful between us. It’s hard to look at who you are now, because maybe that’s who you were the entire time; maybe my eyes were just blinded by all the summer lust and wonderful moments you provided for those short few weeks. Either way, I might never know. But even if the you I met wasn’t really you, I’m glad I got to meet that part of you in the end.
That part if you might be forever gone, but the memory of that you will always be held close to me. I don’t blame you for my recent stress/sadness, because I know it’s not your fault. It never was; I was the one who fell, and you only set-up like you were going to catch me. You didn’t catch me, but I should have known better than to fall for you anyway. I knew you weren’t going to be there in the end but I, once again, wore my heart on my sleeve (ugh, stupid cliche lines always fucking up my thoughts). I set myself up for failure, and that you was too nice to tell me not to.
But boy, do I fucking miss you.
Dear you,
It seems as though every time I start to get over you, something draws me back. Some days I can go without thinking about you at all— actually, most days I don’t even think about you. But then I’ll look at something that instantly reminds me of you, and then I’m fucked for days. I can’t control it, and I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be this crazy for you, it really is a drag.
I tried liking other people, but none of them are you… and that’s the problem. Too many guys have been giving me their attention lately, but not you. And the sad but honest truth is that, well— you’re the only one I want attention from. It’s upsetting to think that, here I am… thinking about you all the time, but do I ever cross YOUR mind? Probably never.
I think that’s the hardest thing to deal with. College must be the best thing going for you right now, and I’m so happy. But I wish there was some way I could figure out what you were thinking— and if you ever even think of me. You’re just so fucking hard to read, damn it.
Why does getting over you have to be so fucking hard? I mean, I don’t blame you… I really don’t. I just wish there was someway I could to look at you and NOT smile, and NOT think about all the great times we had.
It’s impossible.
Dear you,
This has been the hardest week so far. I miss you more than any other friend of mine in college. I don’t even think you understand how much I miss you. In a matter of time you’ll be home again, and I won’t know what to do. What will happen?
All these things I want to tell you, but I’m terrified of what you’ll think. I can never tell if I’ve said the wrong thing to you or not. I don’t want to bother you, not one bit. So I limit myself from talking to you, is that bad? I mean, if I were you I’d get frustrated with my meaningless blabber.
Hmm. It’s just been a bad week all together. I can’t wait until you come home.
Dear you,
It’s been over a month and a half since we talked last, but you skyped me tonight.
The only reason I was smiling so much was because of you. It was way too nice to hear your voice.
Dear you,
You came home this week for a little bit, and I got to see you. Boy, how the time flies. I can’t tell if things are any different now than they were before… are we the same? I don’t know. What I do know is that I miss you more than I ever thought I would. I realized that you’re the only guy I can’t “figure out”. I’m usually good at reading people, in general— but you… you’re different.
It was so good to see you, almost too good. I’m afraid I’ve upset you or annoyed you today, so I stopped trying to talk to you. In a few weeks you’ll be back again, and maybe by then you’ll want to see me too. I sure hope so. God I don’t want to bother you.
You make this so hard on me without even trying. I just miss you too much, it’s sickening. I’ve been looking into dating other people, even met someone. I haven’t found what I’m looking for yet, but I’m sure I’ll be stuck on you for quite some time.
Sorry. I’m so so sorry.