We met when we were four. We went to the same school until he moved away after Jr. Kindergarten. Years later, in highschool in Grade 10, we started talking to each other. Well, he started talking to me because I was shy. We hung out and he helped me with homework. One day we went to Tim Horton’s and his mom was there and she told me that she remembered me when I was a child. And I just nodded because I honestly didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. Anyway, after she left I asked you about your father’s name and your mother’s name and it turned out you were my next door neighbor when I was 4. We started ‘dating’ in the last week of February 2010, but what I remember most is the date we kissed which was March 3rd 2010. Then on July 27th 2010, you first told me you loved me.
It’s been 19 days since we’ve been apart. 27 days (Oct. 31st 2011) since you told me you might leave me. I understand it’s because you want to know what it feels like to be in relationships with other girls, but I don’t know, I guess I’m just not over you. You’ve also been in like/love with this one girl for 4 years, although you are positive you won’t end up with her.. she also has a boyfriend. You’re also interested in this other girl who has a boyfriend… and you in no way better convince her to leave him for you. If both girls are happy, leave them the fuck alone..
Seeing you with other girls makes me want to cry because I want what they might possibly get from you. What I did get from you. I know we’re still best friends, but it’s hard, you know. We were together 20 months and 3 days before it all ended. 4 months before our 2 year anniversary. I don’t even know why I’m writing this? Maybe so I can feel better? At least you told me that one thing you are completely sure of is that we’ll always be best friends. Best friends is great, even though I want to be more than just that.
You also told me that you weren’t looking to love anyone else or be with them for a long time except me.. so that’s a good thing right? And then yesterday I told you I was going to die alone and you said “No, don’t you say that!” and I said “Who am I gonna die with then?” and you said “probably me.” You also told me that we’re probably going to be together til death when we get married and stuff and that you still want to have kids with me. Why are you doing this to me? I am emotionally damaged because of this. We were great and my friensd (some of them) thought we were cute together and said we were going to marry one another and so on. Well, I guess they just didn’t expect this break. You also told me that it’s possible for us to get back together in the summer because according to you anything is possible except for getting with this one girl.. I can tell you one thing though, I will always love you.
You were my first… everything. The first guy who I played video games with and actually enjoyed it. My first kiss. My first guy friend who wasn’t a dick. My first love. The first person I made love with. The first person I celebrated my birthday with for the first time in a 2 years. You and I had a lot of firsts..
You also promised me that this summer you will teach me how to drive and how to swim. You better not break your promise like you broke all the other ones.
You also told me that I am too big a apart of your life to just shoe me out the door, which is why we’re best friends.. but we fight and I cry and it’s all my fault because.. I don’t know, it just is, okay? You also still believe that I am the best thing that ever happened to you, except birth, but I hope that doesn’t change.
March 3rd 2010 - Nov. 6th 2011. Best 20 months and 3 days of my life. I love you, CCM. ♥ I just don’t know what to do anymore. Being without is driving me insane. What do I do? Move on? It’s not as easy as it looks. Being in love with you was my thing…
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