When I moved out from my previous school (its an all girls school) and entered a boarding school, I mixed with boys and getting to know them. Then I met him, 3 years ago to be exact. I knew him from my roommate, because she borrowed my music player and told me that she got a friend that has the same type of songs with me. So I got really excited but I just kept myself calm. After a few days, she introduced me to him. And we became friends. We shared a lot of things in common and it brought our closer and stick to each other. We became good friends. I never had a boyfriend before so I never thought of having anybody as my boyfriend at that time. Until he asked me that question, the question that changed my life entirely.
I said yes, I agreed to be his girlfriend. And I felt so good together. We never fought, we support each other and still got so many things in common. People were quite surprise at that time because I became his girlfriend. People said that I should pick someone better than him, someone who looks better than him because they thought that I’m pretty. But I didn’t care anything at all about it. I loved his personality and honesty, not about his appearance. We were so good bcs we shared everything together. His father died when he was 9 and my father died when I was 13. So, I tried my best to support him in everything that he did.
Until one day, I received a text message saying that he wants to break up with me. That’s all. He tell me why. So I asked him the reason why he’s doing that. If he doesn’t want me anymore its okay but I need to know the reason why. But he didn’t replied. Things were getting a bit complicated at school because we were in the same school, his class was right above mine. Whenever we go to the cafe or department, we bummed to each other. But he never looked at me. I was so mad and I sent him a text, begging him to tell me why. ‘Meet me at 9, in the next class’, he said. So I said okay. Then I met him, he sat in front of me, but he didn’t looked at me. So I asked him, why. Then he said, ‘How do you feel?’ and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Should I feel grateful and happy? Obviously no! He said sorry but still looked at the wall, not my face. I didn’t say a word.
After a few minutes of silence, he told me that he loves me but right now he’s confused. I was puzzled. Confuse about what? Then he said about his feelings. He said he’s interested to boys. He didn’t want to cheat on me and he felt uneasy about that matter. I was shocked. I never thought that my boyfriend is a gay. That was the first time I got into a relationship and my first boyfriend was a gay but everyday he told me that he loves me? I was shocked, really bad.
But he said he wanted to change, he doesn’t want to live his life with that status. He loves me but sometimes he’s afraid of his feelings. It might change. But I told him that is okay. Because if he really loves me, then I would do my best to help him. To go through everything, to make sure that we’re going to be together and get married to each other. He smiled, he said sorry for doing it to me. I was satisfied. I was worried a bit about that matter but I’m trying to convince myself that he’ll feels better.
Then we were together again. We always talk to each other about everything. He shared everything to me and I felt really good about it. So I tried to help him but sometimes we had a lil time-off but we got back to each other. After 2 years together, I always asked him about his orientation. He told me that he thought he had changed. And I became the happiest girl in the world. He wrote a song about me, he sang to me, played the guitar for me and I did my best to make him feel loved.
After a few months, we got separated bcs we went to different universities. And we never had the chance to meet each other everyday. After a few weeks, he never replied my text and we didn’t contact each other for so long. And this one day, I received a text from him. He said that we need to break up bcs he’s not in love with me anymore. That was heartbreaking. But I never text him back since then. And he blocked me on Facebook..
A few months later, I saw his name on my friend’s wall and I bet he unblocked me and yes he did. But I didn’t say a word. A few days later, I received a text, saying he wants me back. I was mad, because he treated me like #E%$%@! But after having a long conversation with him, I decided to go back with him. I couldn’t help myself, I’m still in love with him.
Things get better day by day, and I became the luckiest girl in the whole world. He was so sweet and charming. He always talked to me about marriage, kids and so on. I was relieved.
Then it happened again, he left me without a word. For a year. I lost myself and I hate him so much! But I still waiting for him to come back.. till one day my friend told me that he’s having a relationship with someone else. Not a guy but a girl. I was disappointed..I cried myself to sleep everyday. I rarely talked to my friends and I became a sober. It was difficult.
Till one day I found out that the girl left him. That girl left him! And right now he’s still single, so am I. But no matter how cruel he was, there’s still a part of me of wanting him.. I read his blog, his tweets and so on talking about me. But he didn’t contact me personally until now. But I just want him to know that I forgive him and I still want him to come back, and I will make sure he will never leave me again, but I’m afraid. God, help me. Is this love?
by anonymous