This is me with the man of my dreams, Max. This was around my birthday and our 9 monthaversary, and now, it’s been 14+ months. There’s nothing in my mind that makes me doubt my love for him.
But I screwed up. One argument lead to the next, and I never realized how big of an impact this could have on our relationship. Right now, we’re on a break. It’s only been a day, but it’s killing me inside.
Breaks scare me.
I’m scared he’s going to realize that it just isn’t working out.
I’m scared he’s going to realize that he’s better off without me.
Worst of all, I’m scared of him not loving me anymore.
After talking to one of my guy friends, I realized how much I’ve tired Max out. How much it takes for him to have to deal with someone as difficult and picky as I am. I never gave him any credit for it. I just assumed that he had a natural tolerance for people.
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. You just want us to relax, and have time away from each other before we can start back up again. But what if that doesn’t happen? I can’t help but think that I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.
I know a lot of people say that what’s important is their happiness. It’s true, all I want is for you to be happy, but I want you to be happy with me. I know I’m being a little selfish, but right now, I can’t picture me without you.