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"Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you..."

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““Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you. - Erich Fromm.”

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I cannot bring myself to even describe our story in a couple of paragraphs. I cannot even bring myself to describe every emotion you’ve made me feel for the past 19 months. But hey, ill give it a go..

From the start of 2010 I had come out of a relationship that was based on verbal abuse and constant fighting. The fights consisted mainly because of jealousy and distance. He had major anger management, and I was always scared of what he was going to do next. I was afraid to get out of the relationship, but knew I had to. It was not true love, and I knew it, although I stuck around because I had always been a “relationship” type of girl, and had a fear of being alone. I always felt like I needed the constant affection and attention. After I ended it, I told myself I would stop jumping from relationship to relationship, and just try and be happy alone for a change. How bad could that be?

Back in 2008-2009 I had met a guy who I had become close with. He began to be the person I told a lot to and the person I fetched most of my advice from. He would always come to me aswell so he could vent about his ex who he was still in love with. One day I was on his myspace (good old myspace days) and was looking through his pictures. I came across one picture that really caught my attention. It was a picture of him, and what I could tell from the caption, his best friend. I stared at the picture for a couple of minutes and then kicked out of it. The next night I went on my daily routine of checking my myspace, and happened to go back into my friends page to that picture again. It was something about the picture. I looked at his best friend and said to myself “One day i’m going to be with that guy” Yeah, that may sound weird since I didn’t even know this guy and I was saying that, but some feeling came over me and I made myself believe that one day he and I will be together. Not over thinking too much of it, I hoped off myspace and continued my life.

2010 hit, and I was all emotional and depressed being “alone”. It didn’t help either having a best friend who constantly would say “I want a boyfriend” I want a boyfriend!” We became two girls who would watch lovey dovey chick flicks together with tubs of ice-cream depressing over how “bad” our lives were. Looking back, I laugh at this, our lives were far from bad, we just made it seem like they were.

Anyway, one night, I was on Facebook as myspace had died at this point. I had drifted away from that close guy mate I was talking about that I was close with in 2008-2009, and decided to just check out his facebook to see how he was doing. I started to scroll through status updates, and boring posts then saw a post from a guy who’s face looked very familiar. I clicked into his facebook, and realized it was his best friend. From that point, the imagine of that picture on myspace came to my mind. I was hesitant but really really wanted him to notice me. I was unsure whether to “add” him as a friend or not. At the back of my mind I thought that if I added him and my friend saw I added his best friend, he would be angry at me. So I left it.

The next day my mind was on that guy. I had to add him I told myself, I have to. So that night, I added him. He accepted straight away, and before I knew it, he had posted on my wall. Still to this day I remember what his first words to me were.. “Hey beautiful, thanks for the add , do I know you? :) xo” Straight away my face lit up. he called me beautiful! I was jumping with joy. About two minutes later, my chat popped up, and my friend asked me why I added his best friend. He seemed annoyed. I asked him why he had a problem with it, and he said because he thought I liked him, and now I was moving onto his best friend. I asked him where he got that idea from, and said sorry but I really wanted to get to know his best friend. He then started telling me not to hurt him or play around with his feelings. I was disgusted and told him he should know that im not the type of girl to ever do that.

Minutes later, I saw another conversation pop up, IT WAS HIM! we started talking, and asked those general questions to get to know one another. I couldn’t help but smile the whole time. He then asked me if he could have my number to contact me more. I gave it to him without hesitation. The next day, I thought to myself I wasnt going to be the one to contact him first via text even though I really really wanted to. Hours later, I was coming from university by bus, and my phone vibrated, it was a message from him! My heart stopped. From then on, a month of conversations every night, and text messages led to him asking to meet me in person. I was so nervous, but agreed.

The day came to meet him in the city. I made sure I looked my absolute best. Arriving in the city, I felt like I was going to throw up because I was so nervous. He told me where to meet him, and apparently he was already waiting. As I walked up the stairs on the second level of the city mall, I saw him standing there. Instantly I smiled as I walked towards him. I walked up to him and we hugged each other. It was the best moment of my life. We then started to walk, and he grabbed my hand and held it. I was in heaven.

The second time we met up in the city again. This time I was even more nervous, but as soon as I saw his face again, the nerves went away. The day was the 17th of Feb 2010, and this was the very day he asked me to be his. We were in the movies, and it was pitch black, the movie hadn’t started yet, and he was looking into my eyes and I could tell he was a little uncomfortable so I asked him if he was okay. He said yes, but he wanted to ask me something. I told him to tell me.. so he grabbed my hands, looked into my eyes, and said.. “I really like you. I hope you know that. I really wanna make you mine, so.. will you go out with me?” I was speechless. Automatically I said, “ofcourse!”

From then on, it’s been laughter, happiness, fun dates, late nights, dinners, movies, silly fights, and a whole lot more. I still to this day cannot believe my instincts were right. Who would of thought by looking at a picture of someone I never knew, and saying “I am going to be with that person one day” would actually come true! I am so very thankful and happy. He means the absolute world to me, and I wouldn’t change a thing. It was meant to be. I love you baby, till eternity. <3 17-02-10.

My Tumblr; no-me-without-you.tumblr.com


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