sorry if this isnt your typical love story that lasts forever… but this guy is the most amazing guy in the world, ever since i realized that i love him, i have been waiting for him to ask me to be his forever, for him to ask me, if id like to have his last name. for him to ask me to walk down that aisle to be claim me his. thats how strongly i loved this guy. we were together for 18months until last saturday night something drastic happened.. 3 weeks ago i made the biggest mistake of my life, and i didnt tell him because i didnt want to lose him and i knew if he knew id lose him forever. someone sabbotaged our relationship, because i did cheat on him and i didnt tell him…and you ask why? because i made a mistake, and i stopped it as fast as i could but i guess i didnt stop it fast enough. all of you whose reading this could hate me, all of you could despise me and tell me i deserve everything that im going through. all of you can tell me i dont deserve your pity or care because i know i dont. you can tell me that i deserve to die, because i do want to. you can tell me that i dont deserve him, because i know i dont. you can tell me that i dont deserve a second chance because i know i dont, because i know this guy can get any girls he want. i know any girl will fall head over heals for him and i know he wont stay single for a long time. i know all of that, and i took him for granted. the person i was involved with other than my boyfriend told him everything that happened. he then, my boyfriend, now my ex repeatedly told me he hates me, and who wouldnt? im a mess, unfaithful, untrustworthy, undeserving of anyone’s love specially his.. and im just not someone whose worth a second chance because of what i did…
as much as i would love to have a second chance, i lost all hope, but that doesnt mean im going to stop fighting for him. many who knows what happened between us will say im not worth it, because i know i am. the reason im writing this is because, everyone deserves to know how amazing he is even though hes not mine anymore. even tho i messed up, f*****d up, and i deserve everything thats happening to me doesnt mean i dont love him anymore. ive loved him 3 months after we started dating and it took me 2 hours to tell him that i did, because i couldnt say it right, because i would choke everytime i did, until i built up the courage at 2:33am in the morning, and i told him i love him and happily he loved me back.
we practiced long distance together for a whole year, he drove six hours from LA to OAKLAND just to ask me to be his girlfriend… (didnt i say girls he was a good catch?) i didnt have a car then, so hed drive to me while id fly to him…and i moved back home and it was much easier. he made all of my dreams come true. i found a man worth loving, he made me swim with dolphins, he bought me a computer, and he bought me the most amazing promise ring, he gave me a forever bracelet and we had this tiny notebook that we would exchange and write on once a week before we gave it to each other. he would tuck me in late at night, wait for me to go to sleep then drive home. hes amazing and yet i took him for granted. i broke his heart and now im dying slowly because of it. ill die when someone else will find him because then that girl wouldve grasp my whole heart and shred it to pieces and put it into flame.
how i beg, to be loved by him again. how i beg to get that second chance. how i beg to be held by him in his arms. how i beg to be his again. how i beg to call him mine. i love him with all my heart. and only God knows how unbelievably sorry i am. God only knows how much i love this guy, God only knows how much i would sacrifice for him, and do everything he wants me to do just for him to be mine again.
i love you aris, with all my heart. ive been missing you but holding myself back to try and reach you so you could have your space. so i wouldnt be annoying to you. so i wouldnt push you away. please remember how we were when we were happy, please remember how you told me we’d work through anything and we’ll overcome whatever comes our way no matter how hard it is. please remember im still the same girl, please remember that im still yours to take. i love you and i miss you. im sorry please forgive me.
God only knows how pure my heart is when i say i will never do anything to hurt you, and if i do God will strike me with lightning. I miss you so much. im sorry.
by karmelizzie