I’ve never done this before. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m doing this now. I guess it’s because I feel so alone in the situation I’m in.
This is my ex boyfriend. The love of my life. My best friend. My world. We were together for what seemed like forever. I remember when we met, he was so shy, and so was I. But it was such puppy love in the beginning. We were crazy about eachother. He wasn’t one to be so committed to one person. He had trust issues from his past, and the thing was I did, too. We started dating the night of a football game I went to. He ended up going walking, and I texted him to see where he was going. So my friend took me to the front of the school to meet up with him. We went walking down this road in the dark and sat on some board in someone’s yard in front of a shed. We had a clear view of the moon over a field. And it was just bliss. We never kissed that night, though. We didn’t have our first kiss till a week later on our first date to the mall with some friends. I met his family, and they felt like my own. I’ve never experienced that feeling of closeness with anyone except them. I was such a happy girl. He even used to tell me, “I wonder if I’ll marry you one day.” Well, one day, he had to move to a city 5 hours away from here. We had to break up, because I knew and he knew that we wouldn’t be able to handle a long distance relationship. We just couldn’t get used to it since we were so situated with seeing each other every day. We took this picture after we had broke up. I believe we took this 2 days before he moved. This is proof that we were in love. After he moved, he became a jerk to me. I guess that was his way of trying to make me move on and be happy.
I don’t think he realizes how wrong he was. I couldn’t let go. I cried myself to sleep over him every night. Well, 3 months later, we started talking again, and I found out he had a girlfriend. Yeah, it hurt. And he said “You know I don’t cheat so let’s just stay friends.” We hung out when he came up here to stay with his dad one weekend. He told me he still loved me, and he missed me. And he ended up cheating on her. We talked so much, and we became so close. The next time I saw him, he told me they broke up. This whole time, I’ve figured it was all real. He was supposed to move back before his birthday.
Well, today is his birthday. Since April, I’ve seen him once, and last week I found out he is still dating that girl, and he’s been cheating on her all along. When I found out the truth from a friend, he went crazy on me. He cussed me out, said he loves her and he’s happy with her. But…I don’t believe him. Not one bit. If that was so, he wouldn’t have cheated on her with me so much. I believe he knows he messed up, and I think he feels regret. He went over to his friend’s house the other day, and the thing is I was there, as well. He wouldn’t come in the same room as me. He wouldn’t face me. I walked in the room one time, and I could feel him staring at me. He’ll come back, I’m sure. He just needs to think about what’s happened, and he needs to decide on what he wants. It’s such a messed up situation, but I don’t wanna let go. I don’t think it’s time to let go yet. I know I seem stupid, but maybe someone understands. It’s been 7 months, and I’ve accomplished alot, surprisingly. I’m gonna keep fighting. I mean, he told me to get out of his life. But I’ve heard it all before. He says things he doesn’t mean. But who doesn’t?
I still love him anyway. And that’s okay.