I gave this submission to my blog Hold To The Promise because i want people to know they aren’t the only ones going through something. I’m doing the same for this blog.
more personal post (nadine)
Ok, I’m going to be completely and totally straightforward and honest, and I’m not even going to change names, just use peoples middle or nick names..
Because I want to be real here, and I haven’t let this out yet.
OK, so 3 years ago at my home-school group’s Christmas party, I met this guy.. let’s call him James.
So how I met James was really interesting, I almost ran into him as I was walking out a doorway. I looked up and saw this guy in a hoodie and skinny jeans and I thought to myself “Oh my god, it’s Pete Wentz” Little did I know, he was just the “hispanic pete wentz”
After the party I added him on facebook and got to know him a bit better, turns out he had a girl friend, but I had a crush on this guy named ‘Jeremiah’ anyway so it didn’t matter much.
Well James and I got to be best friends, we would talk every day and we best friends in every sense. He’d come to my church to visit, we would talk on face book or text, he’d come to me for advice on his girl friend and i would go to him for guy advice.
Jeremiah and I ended up dating (FYI I wasn’t allowed to date at that time) well, after that James and I stopped talking as much, to this day i look back and I don’t even know how or when it stopped, but it just did-it abruptly ended.
I won’t go into detail about it, but after a relationship with Jeremiah that caused more pain than good it was finally ended in a not so gracious manner (by him not by me). Before this occurred, James broke up with his girl friend, because she was not as positive as she could or should have been in his life. She brought him down, fought, disrespected his mother and treated him plain old rudely.
I was there for James, and as any good friend he was there for me.
He was there to text at whatever time of the day, even if he was working or with friends he’d make sure to send me a text or two.
One friday night he texted me for 2-3 hrs just telling me that I was an amazing person and did not deserve to be treated the way I was- not to belittle myself because of this guy(Jeremiah).
Well, needless to say, my old feelings for him that I had continually been pushing down since, we both had significant others at that time. Well they came back, I had always saw him as out of my league though. You should see him, he’s tall 6 ft 3 in or something. Plays drums and guitar, he is a lifeguard, in a band, has the most amazing hair, looks just like pete wentz only Puerto Rican has amazing fashion taste, the cutest siblings and the coolest parents.
Well, now being in the homeschooling groups choir I saw him more often, and being the only one I lived close to we car pooled to all the senior activities together, so I got to talk to him more and more, I’ve been to his house like 3 different times and I just found myself falling for this guy. All the while still being his “buddy” and trying to keep my feelings down. Because, if he didn’t feel the same way, and I said something. I would be screwed, him feeling awkward and not talking to me. I would be devastated, he is literally one of my BEST guy friends, I can talk to him about anything and he is so chill he would sit and listen to me go on for hours. He has held me while I cried and always tried cheering me up when I am down. So needless to say I want this guy in my life, whether it’s as a friend or a boy friend. I don’t want him to leave.
I told a few friends though, one of whom is a girl named Tiff, well Tiff said she would try to find out by seeing if maybe he dropped some clues. Since they are in the Home School Traveling Chorale, she did try her and my friend “Joy”. But they didn’t find anything out. Now a little while after this trip I began noticing that James had this thing for Tiff. I wasn’t exactly sure, I knew they were good friends so I was just like whatever.
James invited me to this dancing lesson, but ended up not talking to me for the 2 hours I was at his house, the entire 45 min car ride, didn’t talk or dance with me the enitre night or the car ride home. I did text him and say
“hey you were supposed to teach *such and such step* tonight”
and he told me
“you should’ve come and asked me to dance, everyone else did..xD okay I owe you a dance”
That was maybe 3 weeks ago, now juts this past Thursday my friend Ellen told me that she played 20 questions with him and he confessed to liking Tiff.. actually more like being head over heels for her.
I feel so awkward now because Tiff had stopped talking to me about him after she got back from the Chorale trip, I mean I didn’t bring it up because of the way he was acting..
So now I am bummed out, and I feel so stupid for liking a guy I knew from the start I never had a chance with.
What’s worse is that he starts going to my college this coming Fall Semester.
and the Creme de la Creme, most everyone is positive; she doesn’t like him back!
This ladies and gentleman is my life.
I shared this to be real, for me to be humanized in your eyes and not just a name on a computer screen. I am a girl, I am 17, I have problems, I like boys who don’t like me back. I want to be loved, I want to be accepted. I’m just like you.
~Nadine
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