The Beginning: From my freshman year till the end of my junior year of high school, I had not gotten a girlfriend or found love. I liked girls and went out on dates but somehow, some way something always got in the way and ruined my chances. I thought that I was in love with one of my best friends, but that turned out to be a disaster that ultimately ruined our friendship by the start of Senior year of high school. I was alone without anyone, and I had accepted it as my reality. But everything changed when a special girl stepped into my life. We were acquaintances over the summer before senior year, but not necessarily friends; however, that did not stop her. She liked me. And I liked her. We dated for 2 weeks till finally I popped the question: “Would you be my girlfriend?” She sarcastically responded: “Umm I am not sure…Duh! Of course!” and from there my first relationship began…
My 1st Relationship: Our relationship started out amazing. I thought I was the happiest guy ever. We went on dates, met each other’s parents, and just overall had a great time. But like all relationships there were problems. She had issues opening up because of her horrible previous relationship and I would do my best to be the best boyfriend I could be. I took her out, bought her anything she wanted, and I treated her like a princess. I put a lot of time and effort into the relationship but still I felt that nothing mattered, which made me question our love. I was able to look over all these problems and continued on. We started dating on Nov. 2010. Six months later it was May and Prom was coming up! We were excited and happy. We went to prom and it was amazing! I had a lot of fun. High school ended and summer began, and we had a big decision to make. I was to attend San Diego State University and she was to attend Humboldt State University. And for those who do not know, they are at complete opposite ends of California. I was going to be in So Cal and she was going to be in Nor Cal. We discussed whether we should just become friends or attempt a long distance relationship. We made our decision…
Long Distance and College: So long distance it was! We said our goodbyes and cried before departing to college. And once we arrived at college, we missed each other dearly. College began slowly for me. I was having trouble adapting to school, making new friends, and still working out a relationship. It sucked. College began the end of August, but by the end of September and start of October I had established a fair amount of great friends. I went to many parties with them and shared many great memories. Some of which I cannot recall so well *hint hint.* By November, I had reached a one year relationship with a girlfriend I was not able to share with. I video chatted with her for about 4 hours straight that day. But I was lonely and problems were rising. I felt unappreciated. I started having thoughts that she might have still loved her ex-boyfriend. She would compare me to her Ex and make me feel not good enough. I was growing tired. But one girl stepped into the picture. This new girl was amazing and a great friend. She was there for me and would help me through my problems. She was there when I cried and I was there for her when she would cry. She too was in a long distance but it did not last long. They broke up and I was there for her. Once December came along my problems with my girlfriend reached an all-time high. We fought and I asked “Would anything that I do matter to you? I have done so much for you! Did anything I ever do make you forget about your Ex?” and she responded “…No.” I was heartbroken and tired of life. My first semester of college ended and I was done. I went back home for winter break and I hung out with her and her family one last time, but the next day I told her that I was done. It broke my heart saying it but I was finished. I broke her heart. I thought I was in love with her but I wasn’t. Things then; however, took a turn for the better…
My 2nd Relationship: A few days later I hung out with my friend from college. We happened to live by each other. That night that was supposed to be just a hang-out turned into a 1st date. We kissed and everything sky rocketed from there. We were falling for each other but she had doubts. She felt that we were too different and that it would not work out. I convinced her otherwise and we continued to see each other. By the end of winter break we had gone on many dates and I was convinced. I liked this girl a lot, a lot more than my previous relationship. One night I took her to a romantic setting within the city and I asked “May you let me be your Boyfriend?” and she responded “Yes!” We shared a kiss and life was amazing. 2nd semester of school began and by then everyone knew I had a new girlfriend. Some were surprised, but most were not and had expected it. She and I were happy. Living with each other was a challenge though. It is very hard to keep the spark to last very long and by March we reached a hardship. She felt too dependent on me and felt that she needed space to grow and become stronger as an independent. We both were coming from previous long term relationships and I felt that she had doubt once again. We worked through our problems and continued on. Making an agreement that we were to be together till summer came along and from there reevaluate our relationship. Everything was going well. School was great. I was happy. I was falling hard for her and I enjoyed every little second I had with her. We slept together at night and we both loved it. Things were looking up and she seemed just as happy as I was. By our 3rd month anniversary in April, things were looking bright. A few days later though, things changed dramatically and I was not ready for it. One day she was not in the best mood and I thought that maybe she was just having a bad day. Later that night while everyone on my floor went to a party, we had left the party early, coming back to an empty floor. We began to talk and I began to cry because she was told me she was not happy. This destroyed me. She said that she wanted to just become friends again and that we were not meant to be. She told me that she did not want a boyfriend anymore and that she wanted to fix herself before going into another relationship. I had hope that possibly we could get back together but then she told me that she was not in love with me and that it would not work between us. Ending my 2nd relationship…
Present Time and Confusion: We are currently working out our friendship and it is going fine. She has never been friends with any of her Ex-boyfriends but she is making an exception with me. I love her and she is amazing. It hurts knowing that I am not the one for her. I thought everything was going great but it really was not. She is an amazing person and a great friend and I am happy to still have her in my life. I do not know what to do at this point. I think I am going to live the single life for a while. Possibly learn more about myself. And hey, you never know, she may have told me to lose hope about us getting back together one day, but Life is crazy sometimes. Things happen and people change. I am not going to keep my hope though. It is not healthy and life will go on. It’s like the saying “If it was meant to be then everything will be okay.” My first year of College is about to end soon and I am not sad anymore. I miss her as my girlfriend, but I just want her to be happy. And if being her friend is what was meant to be then I am perfectly fine with that. I am so glad to have met such a wonderful person. She may be tough to deal with sometimes but frankly, I could care less. Talking and hanging with her is better than nothing and I am happy to have her in my life.
The Future?: I am going to finish college, go with the flow, and see where life takes me.
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"This is Not a Love Story. It is a Story about Love" - 500 Days of Summer
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