Unfortunately, I met him when I was 5. I say unfortunately because it
just makes my feelings that much stronger.
I didn’t think he was that special at first. He put up with my energy
and loud noises, but that was as far as it went. But soon I had my own
personal miniature bodyguard, and I liked that. If someone pushed me
in the sand, he was always there to pick me up first and run and chase
after the kid second. We were inseparable as little kids go. I
remember giving him his first kiss during gym class. “I dare you to
kiss Alex!” the class clown hollered. And the little impulsive thinker
I was rushed up to him and kissed him. His face was somewhere between
shock and amazement. After that I guess we were just together. He gave
me a green plastic ring from a vending machine, and we told all our
friends that we were going to get married in an igloo.
He moved away in second grade. I didn’t get it, I thought I did
something wrong. I thought I had cooties. He called once, but I was
too shy to call him back. I thought about him all the time but it was
mostly nostalgia. Years went by.
Myspace was just something my sister made me to keep in touch with her
at college. I didn’t go on much, and I was stunned and speechless when
one day Alex “friend requested” me. I hadn’t seen or heard from him in
almost 8 years!
We talked back in forth for days, catching up on each others new lives
as we were now 15. I soon realized that we were just starting back up
where we left off all those years ago. I knew that when I couldn’t
stop thinking about him during a month long trip to Europe that I had
to be with him again. He had grown into a sweet, caring, handsome
young man. But we were still states apart. We both tried to stay
strictly friendly but that soon became too much of a struggle. We gave
into a long distance relationship. He was as close to perfect as you
could get, and I was quickly completely in love with him. Months of
bliss passed and we planned the time we’d finally get to see each
other again. His father still lived in the same town I did, and he was
planning a visit to see him that Christmas. We were so excited and
that was pretty much all we ever talked about. But I messed it up. I
was so scared that I loved him, I never felt that way before. I kept
on getting that feeling that he was it. And I couldn’t handle that. I
broke it off that October, and all I could do was cry. Why would I
throw away the best thing that had ever happened to me? A month after
our breakup and one pointless rebound later I told him everything. I
spilled my guts about being scared and my true feelings. But he
couldn’t do it again. I could tell I had hurt him so badly, and that
couldn’t just be easily repaired. Christmas time came. I met him at
Starbucks of all places. He was taller than me, and so thin. But he
had this total Alex-glow about him. He was amazing. I was quiet, which
for anyone that knows me is a rare occurrence. Despite that, we talked
for hours about childhood and random things. We hugged. He left. I
told him later that my feelings still hadn’t changed… But he was
still very hesitant. I took that as my final answer and continued the
friendship. He came up to visit his dad every summer and Christmas and
we visited each time over coffee and old memories. He was still it for
me, but he had moved on. His girlfriend sounded great, and he looked
completely happy. I was yes, crushed, but I stood by him as a friend.
To this day my feelings are still just as strong. A few weeks ago he
invited me to see him play his guitar at a local coffee house. I went
with a friend, all jittery as usual to see him again. He played each
song beautifully, as he looked over and smiled at me every couple
minutes. My stomach flipped when he dedicated a song, to me, his old
friend. But the song wasn’t about friendship or good times, it was
about love. I was really confused. I mean shouldn’t a song like that
be dedicated to someone like hmm I don’t know, his girlfriend? False hope
bubbled inside me, threatening to spill over. After he played we set
up a time to meet in the park the week after.
That day it was like we were kids again, we explored the playground,
walked the trails, and laid under trees. He told me that I was his
only friend up here, and that that meant a lot to him. The whole time
what was on my mind was “why did you dedicate that song to me?” but I
couldn’t ask. After hours of chatting and relaxing he gave me a couple
of CDs with his music on it and we hugged again and went our separate
ways.
That night while listening to the CDs, I searched for the song he
played and dedicated to me. It wasn’t there. All of a sudden something
hit me, and I cried. It was a mixture of happiness and sadness all
molded into one. When we had been together he told me he wrote a song
for me. “when can I hear it?” I asked. “someday I’ll play it for you.”
he replied. And now, 3 years later he decided to play it for me. I
don’t know what made him do it, but I’m happy he did. Even though we
aren’t together, I know that I’ll always be in his heart and him in
mine. He’s an amazing person whose always been there for me, and for
that, I love him.
by softbreeze