This is for you.

You know, I’m fine with how we are right now, with just being friends - close friends. I’m contented with that. I realized that I’ve been stressing over you and where we stand exactly that I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else. Then it just hit me that it really is no longer a question of feelings or emotions anymore. What I feel for you and what you may feel for me are no longer very relevant to me. Words and explanations are no longer necessary.

I know how you feel. You don’t even have to spell it out for me anymore. I realized that as I felt your gaze, as accurate as a heat-seeking missile, from meters away immediately rest on me as I entered the gate this afternoon. It was as if all your senses zeroed in on me as I walked in; and that was all I needed.

Lately, I’ve been so caught up in my own fears and insecurities too. I’ve been so concerned about not being good enough for you or living up to your expectations that I didn’t realize that I had already lost myself in the process. The truth is, why should I bother so much about being “good enough” for you (or for anyone else for that matter)? Why should I mind so much about living up to your expectations? What about my own expectations of myself? Then I figured that I’ve been looking at the situation from the worst possible angle.

I shouldn’t worry about you so much; I should be worrying about me or at least becoming the bestme that I can possibly be. I won’t be doing it for you, I’ll be doing it for me. For how can I possiblybe with you and be happy while being with you when I can’t even be happy with being with myself?

I’ve decided to fall in love with myself again. Because after I’ve done that, I just know that everything will fall into place. That’s regardless of who I fall in love with next - whether it’s you or someone else. 

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