It’s a shame we don’t have many pictures together, but the ones of you will have to do. I keep each memory framed so that they don’t fade, so we don’t fade, I hope we don’t fade.
It’s been one hell of a summer. Between me backpacking in the mountains and California and being overseas in Germany, I haven’t seen you much. Phones were gone, letters were few, internet was a gift. I saw you one day before you packed up for Mexico to go to college.
Over the summer, I thought my feelings faded. Only you and I know the drama, and I guess that’s the best way to keep it. We were both stressed. We were both anxious about the future, about fixing things, about being close. We were afraid. We were unsure. We were slipping from our own selves, when were already slipping from each other. And then we made the decision while I was in Germany to call it off for a bit, a break, a peace in all that chaos. I thought it was the right decision. At first.
One conversation after an endless silence, and we were talking again. Actually talking. Endless talking. I stopped listening to my mind, that screaming thing, which is always trying to take control. Listen to me, listen to me, listen to logic and to rules and to what seems good. But for once, I listened to my heart, and it said: do what is good, what feels good, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you feel so many emotions you can’t even comprehend a single thing. Just do.
That one day before you left, it was like everything all over again compacted into two hours. Our first kiss, first secrets, first hugs, first everything. First time I saw you cry. First time goodbye felt so real, but at the same time, nothing to fear. The first time I could feel any sort of shade of love, and be sure that love was real.
Now I’m just waiting till winter, when the world turns cold and everything quiets down. The people aren’t outside all the time, and the wind becomes the loudest voice, the cold the only enemy, yet friend. I’m waiting for winter. I’m waiting for you. I’m waiting until winter so we can take walks in the snow :)