She sat. She stared at the clock, watching the numbers flap over, to reveal a fresh, new digit—another minute of her life she felt slip away. She knew people were waiting for her, but she couldn’t seem to muster the energy to stand. Once the numbers grew to 8:30, she dragged her legs across the bed and pulled herself erect. With her feet firmly on the floor, she fully realized how far away her mind had been wandering. She fumbled with her small coffee-colored bun and pulled the ribbon tighter. She had things she needed to do. He was downstairs. She’d kept him waiting long enough.
“Rylee!” he said, rising to meet her as she walked down the stairs. His face lit up with a happiness she herself hadn’t felt in a while.
“Grant… “ She couldn’t muster the courage to ask how long he’d been waiting. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. When she looked into his deep, caring eyes, she couldn’t help but well with tears. Rylee knew Grant would do anything for her, but she wasn’t sure she felt comfortable relying on someone so heavily.
“You know I’m always here for you,” he began, softly. “I can tell you’ve been crying. Just tell me what’s going on.” But he didn’t understand that she couldn’t tell him. If she let him in, she’d just be setting herself up for disaster. It hurt too much to have others know her pain—and Grant was the last person she wanted to tell. He was always so upbeat and happy; she never fully understood what he saw in her.
She walked to the side of the room and sunk into the couch. He knelt in front of her and quietly laced his fingers through her own. He sat below her, his bright green eyes reflecting the tear-stained cheeks she’d been wiping moments before.
She felt the words coming up and began before she could stop herself.
“I don’t know if I can let you in. You’re so warm and full of life—I can’t explain it but it’s like you share it with me. I love you. No really, I do. I want you to spread your warmth to me, but I’m so scared. If you were to leave me I’d just be cold and vacant inside. I don’t know if I can take the feelings I’m growing for you if one day you might leave me.”
Grant’s smile had begun to creep back onto his face. The corners of his lips dragged upwards, and his eyes sparkled. He only had to utter one word before she could let out the breath she held tight in her chest in place of the words she’d finally released. ‘This is it,’ she thought to herself. ‘My last hope is gone. Now no one can save me from the pain of helplessly drowning in his love.’
Grant stared at her with the eyes that she’d grown to love. And at last, he said that final word. “Never.”