The only time I get to talk to him is through notes and hearing his voice when he calls me in the morning to wake me up. I can’t stay up late to talk to him at night because of dumb phone curfews. Plus, we can’t talk to each other at school. Teachers don’t allow it. They’re just extra careful and caring I guess. Everything is forbidden at school. But, we stay up late writing notes before we go to bed so we at least know what’s going on inside our minds before we both sleep. If we’re lucky, we exchange our notes to each other in person and not through other people. So yes, the love notes which I absolutely love. The love notes that keep me awake in class. The love notes that I don’t get tired of reading over and over again. It’s like the only thing that is keeping our relationship alive. But last friday? Teachers did a search on him and I for notes. It was the only way of communicating back and forth. The teachers talked to us both. I never knew that the way that I felt for someone would get me in so much trouble. We both needed a friend who listened and spoke in return. Who didn’t judge, but loved me for who I was and everything that I am today. A best friend when nobody was there. Someone we could fully trust. Ya know? Don’t we all need someone like that in our lives? Anyways….Last Friday…it got to the point that we found ourselves crying in each others arms because we were afraid of losing each other after we spoke with some teachers. Our notes is the only way of communicating. I feel like every inch of me is telling me that this is not worth it….of how so much people look down on me because of my relationship with him. But why give up on something that brings you so much happiness? If it’s worth it, it’s not going to be easy. We’re both willing to work no matter how hard it’s going to take. I’m willing to wait. And eventually, flowing out together beyond this mess. I’ve learned through every relationship I’ve been in, that I needed to hold on to happiness as long as I could, to give all the happiness I could give…and if it reflected back? I’m willing to hold on to every second and moment we both can get. Yes, we’re still going to write each other notes, but we have to be even more secretive. Unfortunately it’s to the point that once we get our notes……we have to rip them. Maybe. If we do have to rip the notes after we read them, we promised to always know that we’ll always be there for each other to care, support and love each other through everything….that everything we write will be imprinted in our minds. Ah, I just don’t wanna think about that…it’s so heartbreaking. But through all this mess, he still gives me hope and happiness everyday with everything he tries to do to make me happy. We both pray on the phone every morning that God will provide our way through school, our families and our future. Yes, this is going to be extremely difficult. But, It’ll all be worth it in the end :)
His love gives me hope and happiness every single day.
I love you, babe.