In a way I think this was definitely meant to be. The chances of meeting him and getting to know him were so slim, but we beat the odds. I met him through a friend who had met him at the club. At the time that I met him, I was talking to another guy so I had no interest in dating this one. We hooked up the night we met unintentionally, both of us on some kind of drug. It was completely out of our minds that we’d ever talk after that night. To me he was a fling, and to him I was a fling. So how did this amazing relationship blossom?
The night we met and hooked up, I was attracted to him. The other guy just became part of the pile of guys I had a short interest in. As terrible as it sounds, I was used to going through guys like air. I could never keep interest. But this one, Duy, caught my attention. He was so cute. I knew girls were probably all over him, and so I was careful. We hung out every single day, with no exception. It started out with hanging with him along with our friends. He would secretly hold my hand in the car. We would cuddle, and he was so sweet. It was so hard to not fall for him, but I had to be careful. Little did I know I was already attached after the first time he held my hand and the first time he kissed my cheek. I sat there thinking “This is definitely not what flings do”, but I couldn’t say no. We spent weeks together and slept together overnight at my friend’s place. I grew comfortable with him completely. He was the first boyfriend that had seen me without makeup. I was fine with prancing around naked with him. I knew at that point that there was no getting out of this.
The months we spent together were like a fairy tale, more than I could ever ask for. We went everywhere together and did everything together. He won a stuffed animal at the claw machine, and we named him Mojo, who became our baby. After that we got a puppy together, Teddy. Now this is our real baby. We imagined a future together, going to the same college, and living together. Our relationship grew fast. I was so happy and so blind. In the end I began to worry that I’d lose this amazing guy. I started getting upset frequently and taking out my frustration on him because he was always there. We were literally talking to each other 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In the morning we’d wake up and text good morning. I’d text him the entire day throughout school, and after school we’d meet up either at his place or mine. We’d be together until late at night, around 11 or 12. When we left the house, we’d call one another and talk on the phone until we got home and didn’t even hang up when we fell asleep. I loved it, but I had no idea I was slowly ruining this perfection with my emotional rollercoasters. He reminded me constantly that he loved me for me, not because of how I looked. I always felt so self-conscious and thought he’d leave me, so I was insecure. It ruined everything.
We separated recently, and it’s one the hardest things I’ve been through. Perhaps we weren’t together too long, but what does time matter when you’ve already fallen so far for one another? I tried being just “friends” with him, but it’s too hard to handle. I hate knowing I can’t have him. My feelings for him are so great, and it’s slowly suffocating me. Everything around me reminds me of him.
I’ll miss us. Thank you for teaching me how to let my guard down and love with all my heart again.
February 21, 2011 <3