I never expected anyone to ever love me.
Not because I don’t deserve to be loved, everybody deserves to be loved - it’s our right, but because I didn’t love myself and could never imagine anyone to love the person that I am. It’s an issue that goes beyond my deep rooted self hatred or insecurities. It’s something that just is not part of my comprehension. I’ve watched countless romantic comedies, the classic love stories, read timeless novels on the subject and I thought I had love all figured out. Love was butterflies and fireworks in novels, and in films it was surprise flights across the country to see a loved one.
But love in real life is hard, it’s challenging and it’s not given to you on a silver platter, you have to fight for it. Sometimes there are more bad times than good times. I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much as I have when I thought of you and everything that’s happened between us. I’ve hated myself through it all, but there are those times when I see myself as the person you’ve fallen in love with, and it’s mind boggling.
it’s been hard, so hard but despite all of this I’ve found someone who loves the person whom I hate the most. He loves me. And even if I can’t understand it, I’m learning to try and see the parts of me that are so special to him. It’s a daily struggle, but someday I’ll understand that love does change everything, even the things you thought were never possible.
by Nina, wearediamonds