This may not be a love story..but not all love is wholesome.
Its so funny yet completely terrifying how two people could go months without talking to one another, and the moment conversation is initiated, they talk for what seems like forever; a conversation of heaviness, yet the attitudes are so light and easy. Absolutely no spitfire of the past tragedies. Like two old feuding friends meeting over a game of chest or something cliché like that. I think things and attitudes like this are beautiful.
I left on completely bad terms with someone that, for the last few months, people could ask me if I hated him, and I would without a second thought in my mind say “Yes, I hate him.” And at one point, I did. I resented him with every part of my soul and being. But it wasn’t pure hate; I think pure hatred engulfs the person, succumbs them to a dark part of themselves that they start hating everything. I’m sorry to say but that just isn’t how I am nor think. I am a very forgiving person; I see flaws sometimes easily, sometimes clouded; my judgement is fair and possibly faulty; my heart is warm but perhaps far too welcoming. I love very passionately, places, things, people, sounds. But that’s just who I am; and I sometimes wish people were more like that. I think some of my friends, the closest, could tell I did not hate this person, and they have been there through thick and thin. I don’t regret harboring no hatred for this man, because we had good times at one point; memorable, ever lasting times that infallibly outshine the worst, believe it or not.
I’m a big fan of Tyler Perry films, and each film despite the comedic humor in them portray strong ethics and values of deep, intricate characters. Madea always says that people shouldn’t victimize themselves over their struggles in the past because we all come from some kind of struggle, and we all have stories. She says its better to forgive the people who do you wrong; not for them, but for yourself. She says “When some body hurts you they take power over you, if you don’t forgive them then they keeps the power”. You can hate and resent someone who wronged you for the rest of your life, dwelling on it, letting what they did shape your views on the world, while they are living happy, carefree lives of sometimes no remorse; and that person will die one day, most likely happy and fine, while you’re still alive living with this hatred boiling within you for years, affecting relationship after relationship. So in the end… who is it hurting more?
It’s terrifying, how we can still read each others minds, and know each other like the back of our hands. You would think after such a long time we’d lose this kind of connection. At one time, I wish we would have. But I humbly and thankfully accept the apology given to me today, along with the fact that we are still important to one another. Ergo, the urge to hate is no longer in my soul; the desire to gain vindication no longer tempers my mind; and the heaviness and incompletion is entirely expelled from my heart.
So I thank you, for gaining the courage to enlighten me and say the sorries I never got for years; that’s all I really ever wanted. And in return, I give you faith: faith not in us, but in you. Faith that you will pull through for yourself finally, because, however misguided, your heart is in the right place, and you deserve it.
My heart is strong. My heart is proud. My heart is gentle. And it, along with the rest of me, is extremely thankful for the hardships, victories, and lessons required in the last few years.
This is just one more chapter in a very lengthy epic of life.
by j-motley