I wrote a message to my team the other day about how I want our posts to be happy and optimistic. I want them to write about their struggles too, but to always tie it up with a ribbon of hope because thats what we do here. Keep hope alive. I also said that I read a lot about how girls and boys feel like they need a boyfriend or girlfriend to feel loved, to feel alive, etc.. And that I want to focus on learning how to love ourselves first. One of my members felt like I was putting down people who feel they want a boyfriend or girlfriend, but instead of explaining to her more of what I meant, I felt like I should post it on the site for everyone to read because this is really important.
I wrote that I don’t want you, kids, teens, adults, anyone, to feel like they need a bf/gf. It’s fine that anyone would want one, I mean, sometimes I do, but I don’t want people to feel like they need someone to feel good about themselves, to feel loved, to feel alive. ‘Need’ and ‘want’ are TOTALLY different. We need water to live, we want coca cola because it tastes good. Ya know?
I’ve seen and experienced the feeling of needing someone. And I was incredibly insecure and dependent on that/those people that I thought I needed. When I started my senior year of high school I was in the state of mind that I needed this boy, who was my friend. And he knew it. He knew that I needed him and he took advantage of it and treated me really, really bad. It took countless fights, countless nights of crying, countless anything of everything that finally made me see that I didn’t need anyone. What I needed was to learn to love and take care of myself and step away from people who were toxic to my life.
I’ve lost friends due to them needing their boyfriend more than they needed their friends or family, I’ve seen quarreling couples spiral down to outright abusive because they “needed” each other and couldnt live without each other. They thought they couldnt be happy, couldnt continue life, school, work, etc.
I am not putting down people who say the need someone. I am not looking down on anyone who says they need someone. I am looking at them and wishing so hard that they could see that they can be happy without being in a relationship. You can be happy, and successful and have an amazing life without being with a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife. You can. You just have to let yourself. You have to start looking in the mirror and liking what you see. You have to start being a good friend, daughter, sister, person, before you can be a good girlfriend, wife.
I am a sophomore in college and I’ve had one boyfriend. One. That was freshman year of HIGH SCHOOL. I spent high school feeling fat, ugly and stupid. I spent so much time wanting and needing a boyfriend that I didn’t think of anything else. I did poorly in school, I wasn’t happy or healthy, I was .. Just there. But the second you realize that you don’t need someone to feel loved, happy or alive… you actually start feeling loved, happy and alive. It’s liberating and amazing. And I go to school and I work hard, I have plenty of obstacles, but I get through it. I go to work. I go home and remind myself to appreciate my family. I tell my friends all the time how much I love them. I’m thinking of buying a guitar and teaching myself how to play, because I just want to. I’m making a change jar where I throw extra change in to save up for a trip. I’m making a goal to read 50 books by the end of this year. I’m doing my best to eat healthy and I’m going to the doctor about the possible asthma I have, so I can start working out. I take medicine for my ADD so I can sit down and do my homework without wanting to scream. I remind myself to smile, when I’m not. To laugh when I feel like I can’t. I have dreams, no matter how far fetched and always imagine myself reaching them. All these things, all these things I am doing… without a boyfriend. Without constantly daydreaming about having one. Without imagining how much happier I’d with one.. Because one person can’t make your entire being happy. They just can’t. Its up to you.
So… heres a challenge. It may not seem like one, but try it and see how hard it may be for you to do.
I want you to get up from your computer and go to the closest mirror. Look straight into your eyes and then smile. Don’t just smile :). I want you to smile :D. I want you to smile HUGE and say “You can be happy. Look at that smile. You’re beautiful.” I want you to do that. Thats it. Thats all I want you to do. Some of you might feel nothing, and then walk away continuing what you were doing before, but I know some of you are going to feel a little something different. Maybe a chill up your spine, like me. Maybe hope. Maybe happiness. Maybe you start thinking of things you want to do for yourself. Goals. Dreams.
It all starts with this smile. Maybe, this can be a new start. Right now. Right this second. To start loving yourself. Do you want to? Because you can. The new beginning doesn’t have to start tomorrow, or on a Monday (actually today IS a Monday, so you have no excuse), or whatever. It can start whenever you want. So how about now? I don’t see why not.
So get up. And go do that smiling challenge.
I want you to smile HUGE and say “You can be happy. Look at that smile. You’re beautiful.”
You are beautiful. I don’t even have to look at you to know that. It’s time to start loving you. Your life.
Xoxo Alex
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Dear Followers: The Smile Challenge?
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