Before I met my fiancée I was set on never getting married, and of course never having children. I was just something that wasn’t for me. I grew up seeing my parents marriage fall apart, I still look at their marriage and wonder why they suffer through it. I know it’s for us, my mother has told me that. She was one of the main reasons I never wanted to get married, my mother and I share everything with each other. She’s told me countless times how much my father changed from the time they met. She was so in love with him, and she didn’t see his flaws. And my father hid them so well. When she found out about everything they decided not to tell us kids right away. When I found out I told my mom to leave him, she told me “And do what? Be miserable alone?” I don’t know what it was about that question, but I didn’t have an answer. So how could I ever get married seeing the destruction it can bring? I’d been in love before I met John, my fiancée, but my thoughts on marriage stayed the same. Not for me. And John knew my opinions before he proposed. Why did I say yes? Because once, after we’d gotten in a huge fight and “broken up” we still spent the next three nights together. Even when he thought he was losing me, he held me in his arms, he kept me safe at night in his arms. He did everything he could to keep me there, to stay with me. I knew in that moment, laying there not able to stay mad at him, that I couldn’t live without him. That if had asked me right then and there I would have said yes. If we had gone to the courthouse the next day and signed the papers I would have. I really don’t know how that night could have changed my mind so quickly, but it did and now I can’t stop thinking about wedding stuff. I have my dress picked out, though I haven’t gone to try it on, because we still have a couple years til I need to buy a dress. But I’ve turned into this girly girl who fantasizes about her wedding day, I feel like I missed out on that phase of childhood and I’m making up for it now. I’m so in love with this guy. He has changed my life and I can’t wait to marry him. I can’t wait to have children with him, I know he’s going to be an amazing father. It’s so silly that I want the things I used to tell myself weren’t important. Things that I vowed to never have. I am in love, really in love. Though we bicker and fight, I’m still in his arms at the end of the day.
Me: tinytigersss.tumblr.com