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For people who don’t know me, my name is Tiffany. I have two best friends. One of them is a guy who I feel as if he’s actually the one for me. I told myself never to fall for a guy who I knew for so long because I don’t want to ruin a good friendship with them. He has been there cheering me up for a year. I got my heart broken last year by this guy who was not even worth my time. That wasn’t the first time either. Sometimes I feel as if I’m not meant to have somebody by my side because every time I do, they hurt me. The first guy I really liked decided to go out with my best friend in the end. I cried. I know you guys know that feeling also. It took me two years to get over him and I spent almost my whole high school years just mopping around. Until senior year, I met someone new and I thought he was actually different because of his actions. He wasn’t, he was worst. While we were dating, he was still with his girlfriend and he didn’t tell me. I was heartbroken once again, yes? He’s now currently married to his wife (girlfriend). If you guys are wondering how old he is…he’s 19. After dating him, I finally had my first boyfriend. Someone who I liked that actually asked me out. I thought he was seriously going to be serious and will not do stupid things like my ex-crushes. When we broke up I thought it was going to a mutual break up. Until last month, I found out the day he asked me out he already liked someone else and was regretting going out with me. I found out a lot more about him and it really disgusted me.
After all those stupid heartbreak, it’s now 2011 and I’m 19 years old. I have never had my first kiss before. I have never had someone who truly likes me and have that person like someone else. I have never had a date where the guy paid for me because I had to pay for almost everything and gas. All I wanted was someone who stays true to me all the way. All I want is someone to find me the most amazing girl in the world and doesn’t want me to change the way I am. I think I found him.
And because of that, I made the wrong choice by telling him that maybe we should be friends. He knew me before I went out with my ex-boyfriend. He was really upset when he found that out because he liked me back then. He liked me for the longest time and wished he told me earlier. I wish he did too. My best friend is in the marines and I never get to see him. I don’t know if it’s a marine thing that makes him bottle everything up but he does this all the time and pretend that nothing is wrong.
He left two days ago and two days ago I told him I don’t want to be friends with him anymore. We were in the car talking and at first he took it as a joke. I wasn’t joking. He wanted to know why and I was too scared to tell him the real reason because I was scared of what he was going to say. I walked out of the car and I was like let’s go all your friends are waiting for you. He told me he didn’t want to go and pulled my hand and asked me to tell him the truth. The truth? I felt played again. I felt like if I gave him a chance I’m going to be hurt once again. I told him to let go of my arm and he told me to look at him and just hug him. I couldn’t do it. I can’t. After how many pulls, he let go. I walked away and we were going to get dinner. We had to go to his house to pack up. When we were almost done, this lady decided to try to get through the small parking lot and scratched the van we were in. It took another 30 minutes or so to get her insurance and I was devastated in the car. I wanted to get out of the car and walk around. So I did, he followed me and told me I can get raped if I walk alone. Then he told me how he doesn’t understand why I’m doing this. He needed me and I was the other person who is willing to talk to him when he needs me. I make him happy and laugh when he doesn’t even want to. He told me how I don’t understand how hard it is to get through every day in the marines and I help him get through it every day. He begged me to not leave him.
Speechless. I didn’t know what to say.
We were back in the car getting ready to take him to the airport. I got a text from him telling me he’s going to miss me. Right there and then, I decided to text him back and told him I like him. We arrived at the airport and I bet you guys expect a really happy ending after. It’s not. I was the last person that hugged him and he told me he’s going to miss me. That’s it. Yesterday, I told him we should be friends. I’m too scared to be in a relationship right now. I’m stupid, really stupid. I called my friend and I started crying like BALLING my eyes out. He told me he knows I didn’t mean it or I wouldn’t be crying right now.
When I was in bed today, I couldn’t sleep and all I can think of is making this right. It was so wrong to end it like that. This guy, who I like, heck…maybe I’m in love with him if I’m doing something this crazy, is going to Afghanistan next month. I DON’T want to end it like that. His base is in North Carolina and I’m going to fly there on January 27th to go see him maybe for the last time. I want to set this right. I don’t want to tell him after because I don’t know if I will be able to see him again.
This is where I want you guys to PLEASE help me. Please give me the opportunity to see him and change everything in the past. Give me the chance to maybe walk up to him and tell him to kiss me. All I want is something amazing to happen in my life. I don’t want to sit here in my bed and regret every word I said to him anymore. I want to do something about it and I need everyone’s help to do this.
If each person donates at least a dollar, you don’t even know how much that can make a difference! Thank you sooo much if you’re helping because you’re saving me a day of tears, I swear.
And if you’re going to comment on any grammatical mistakes I made in this. Thanks for being a little asshole because that totally makes you a better person..
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