Yesterday, you told me that you were considering breaking up with me. Why? I wondered what I did wrong. Then you told me.
So that you won’t hurt me anymore.
I told you that all relationships have ups and downs, we can’t expect it to be smooth-sailing all the time. You said you won’t change, you’ll keep hurting me if we go on, and that we’re not meant for each other.
All those visions that we for our future… All. Gone.
We’ve been together for 10 months and 9 days. I remember our first day. It was so awkward, I was smiling and giggling to myself most of the time on the train. Remember when we were at the sky garden, talking about how we came to like each other? That night was unforgettable.
Remember when we first held hands? We took the wrong bus, and we alighted at the next stop. It was a full moon, so bright and pretty. I said it would be a good time to hold my hand, and you being a gentleman, replied,”Would you like me to?” I have sweaty palms, but you didn’t mind at all. We walked all the way to my house, and even though it was pretty far, I enjoyed every single moment spent with you.
Remember when we got our rings for our 6 months anniversary? We were at the shop in plaza, choosing our rings. I have it, in the little drawer of my jewelry box, with your name on it and a heart printed next to it.
Remember when we had our first kiss? I was so shocked, my eyes were wide, and afterwards you told me to close my eyes and you kissed me again. No words can describe how I felt.
Remember when we took a polaroid at the funfair? I still have it in my wallet, I take it out whenever I miss you. I’ve memorized your features, every single thing that you do. How you speak when I call you, how you walk.. Every little thing.
Remember when we were sitting at the dock, listening to the rippling waves, and looking up at the night sky as I leaned my head against your shoulder. I would close my eyes and tell myself that I would never forget this moment. I remember making a heart sign with my fingers in the reflection of the water, and I told you that it’s yours.
You used to call me, telling me that you have something to sing to me. You would take out your guitar and sing to me. ”I Will Follow You Into The Dark” and ”Airliner”. I closed my eyes, and took in every single word, I didn’t want to forget this.
You wrote me a single letter, and I still keep it in the pages of the diary that you gave me. The diary is hidden under your jacket, they are placed next to my pillow. Every night, I would pretend that you’re asleep next to me, holding me in your arms. I’ve never felt so secure in my life.
I don’t want you to leave me. You’ve filled that space in my heart, no one can ever take your place. You are my first true love. Everything about you is perfect to me, even though you hurt me sometimes, I don’t mind because I love you. Please, please don’t leave me.
I used to think that love was my only redemption. Please don’t change that for me.
I won’t be able to find anyone like you. Just to let you know, that if you want to leave me, I’ll wait for you. For as long as it takes for you to realize that I love you. For as long as I live.
I love you, MLHM.
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Love, Anna