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The Beginning & The End

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I am twenty years old and can honestly say I have been in real, honest-to-God love. I have known the feeling of loving someone and never wanting to let them go. I have had my whole life planned out; down to the names of my children, the ring I wanted and the arms I would grow old in. I have known how it feels to be in-love with your best friend and have them be your whole world. I have felt the control someone can have over you and the willingness rto do whatever to make them happy. And then I have known how it feels to have it all ripped from my grasp.

Let’s back up. My freshman year of high school, Septemeber 2004. I went to a magnet school where I was always welcomed. I never walked down the hallways without being stopped for a hug or a hello. I had friends in all majors and was constantly walking from group to group with conversations and laughter. In the halls one day, I was about to walk into my English class and a guy waved at me. I had never talked to him before, never knew who he was. But he waved at me that day. And the day after, and the day after that. Finally after a week, we found each other after our class and introduced ourselves. “Hi! I’m Stephen and I just wanted to tell you, you’re beautiful.” I fell in love right then. But it was not to be. I went through my freshman and sophmore year of high school being best friends with this guy and had a major crush on him the whole time. End of the school year 2006, we both wrote of our crushes in each others year books. The last day of school, I wept in fear of never seeing or talking to him again. I really truly believed it was the end.

I switched schools after that. My junior year I spent in a one sided relationship. I never forgot about Stephen though. Our mutual friend had a birthday party and we were both so happy and surprised to see each other there. Even though we were both in separate relationships, we were inseperable that night. I lost contact with him again, and a few months later our mutual friend called me to say he was asking for my number. “Give it to him!” was my newly-single reply. We talked that night; both recently broken up and he said, “Alright, I think it’s our turn now. Let’s give this a try!” What ensued after that was bliss.

I dated him faithfully from August 15, 2007 to September 15, 2009. We had good moments and bad moments; we went through friendships, fights and worse but we still stuck together. Promise rings were exchanged in the first year and never taken off. I broke it off in the end. He was controlling and possessive. I couldn’t handle “living in a box.” We continued talking, but eventually it got too hard to communicate so we stopped. I then found out he was dating a girl, he had been with back in high school. It stung. Alot. We started talking again and hanging out..he cheated on her with me and said it didn’t count because he only loved me. We got back together December 15, 2009 and continued until August 3, 2010. This time was really a break-up for me. I needed space and he wasn’t giving it to me. He was jealous of my job and constantly questioning my loyalty and affection towards him. He would berate and insult me due to my job and coworkers and it finally became too much. I would not sacrifice anymore of my happiness for his selfishness. We continued talking of course. He had been my best friend for almost six years at this point.

At the end of September, we attended a football game together. At half time, my world crumbled and changed forever. He decided to verbally attack me in anger and malice. His words cutting me straight to the core and smashing every good thought and self-confidence I ever had in myself. I listened to it for a good hour and a half. At the end, I told him to lose my number and never contact me again. He tried for a few days after and then quit. I haven’t talked to him since. I took his pictures off facebook and deleted him as a friend. His words still hurt me in the worst possible way because he knew exactly where to shake til I broke.

He taught me alot of things over the years.

  1. How to love unconditionally
  2. Sacrifice is necessary but not when you lose all of yourself
  3. Compromise should be used to make both parties happy
  4. Love conquers all

He stayed with me through alot of bs in my life and still loved me as though I was treasure. Even after we broke up the last time, I could still picture myself with him for the rest of my life. I loved him with everything I had but it was never enough for him. His last words to me were my breaking point and I do not ever see myself being with him again. He ruined my trust in him and made me bitter and jaded towards every other man and relationship. I have to forgive him to move on and heal fully. I do not regret the time I spent with him and will never forget the memories.

But it’s time I move on. Eventually the pain will fade until I do not hurt and ache anymore. I loved him and still do. I wish the best for him and know that I am better off without him in my life as well.

I love you, Stephen Raymond Jr. I always will. Good-bye<3

by genessamaria


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