There’s often a saying;
“You can’t just be bestfriends with a guy, you’re either in love, or just friends.”
It’s said that in the period of time your friendship is being built, there’s always one stage where you would feel something ‘different’ for him, and maybe wondered if it would ever work. And often you would try and see if it would work, then it doesn’t, then bam goes your friendship.
But, being a girl, it has occurred to me that most of us has a boy bestfriend.
Well, I don’t.
Yeah, funny that isn’t it? It’s actually quite safe to say that I have not, do not and probably won’t have one. It’s not because I have a boyfriend, but it just never works out.
So I told myself that it’s either I’m too hard to handle, or they’re just missing out. Whatever makes me sleep at night isn’t it?
I don’t want my blog to become one of my tragic FML life stories from back in the days, BUT, I guess I should fill you in a step of my oh so horrible life.
Long story short,
My first guy bestfriend told me to fuck off after he got a girl.
My second said he wouldn’t treat me like that, and then we stopped talking.
My third, well, what happened?
My fourth, I guess, I put the most effort to you.
There was just something about you, not the fact that we live opposite ends of Australia, or that we’ve never met, or that you simply just made me smile with just the start of our conversations. We were friends, and at one point, had a slight affection to each other, and then became..
We were so close, I would tell you everything. And even after a year of not talking, I know you’re just one of those people I would never be able to forget. I told you that, and you said the same. But how come it seems like I’m the only one caring about our friendship?
I told myself, this is just another fail friendship, and it’s just not gonna work out anyway. Then how come I keep running back to you, trying to mend, trying to rebuild?
Is it just me, or are you oblivious to the fact that I need you as a friend in my life, and that I thought what we had as a friendship was something to cherish?
2 years ago, when I nearly got hit by a car, I texted my boyfriend, and YOU, telling you how much you mean to me, and telling you that, incase one day I don’t get the chance to tell you. I meant it. I really did.
And to be honest, I never forgot that day. I knew you were my bestfriend because you could make me smile just by smiling. I knew you were my bestfriend because when something was troubling me, when I had problems, you can cheer me up. I knew you were my bestfriend because you cared for me, and you wanted a friendship even though we were divided by a 2 hour time difference, and like a billion kms.
But has it ever occurred to you, that I was always being there for you? That, no matter what happened, I would try and talk to you, and try make you happy. That, I just wanted to be a small fraction of your life.
I guess you made me realize what kind of person I am. Easily distracted, affected, hurt and mistaken. And I don’t know why, I let myself be shown to you. Maybe cause I thought you were more understanding, more of a bestfriend material. Because of what happened between us, wait, or should I say, because nothing happened, I took it too seriously. And still taking it way too seriously and I’m sorry. Maybe I should care a little less, talk a little less, and express a little less. Because maybe that way, that’s going to protect me; and not become that fool I came all over again.
I really don’t even know why I’m so caught up about it. Honestly to say, these past few months I’ve given up on you. I’ve realized there are much much more important things in my life right now. I have the most amazing guy in my life, loving me, caring for me, and I guess it’s a little sacrifice; that I found him, because I didn’t get you. And to be frank, I’m not complaining about that. After all this, I wouldn’t mind losing you, cause I realized I had already lost you ages ages ago. I don’t want this to seem as if I need this “boy bestfriend” in my life, because as much as it sounds like it, it was something I felt, and sort of feel, but now, I guess, all I really need is Benjamin.
Because I think, he’s the only reason that’s not letting me become that fool all over again.
And now I shall say that Benjamin, the love of my life, is also my bestfriend, and that’s all I’ll ever truly need.
I’ve given up on bestfriendships, and I don’t even come close to anyone anymore. I guess that’s how much you have effected me. And I’m not sure if it’s for the good, or the bad, but it’s made me realize one thing,
A bestfriend is never meant to leave, and so if your bestfriend hurts you one bit, leaves you for something else, and is not there for you when you really need him, ask yourself if he’s really worth it.
Because, it’s really, only in your worst times is when you find out who your real friends are.