Dear Eric,
Today would have been our 4 year anniversary. I still remember the day you asked me out like it was yesterday. I remember it was a little foggy, and the ground was a bit wet, as we walked off the field and started talking. I remember the preceding days of us dancing around the topic, kind of flirting, but mostly being awkward. I remember last year you were in Washington, and that we had a video-date when you got back. I remember senior year, when Homecoming was on our anniversary. I was just looking at those pictures, and thinking about how much has changed since then. I remember all the butterflies you gave me, both in my tummy, and on a necklace. I remember sitting in your car in the parking lot when you gave me that diamond ring.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but that diamond ring was a perfect representation of our relationship - simple but beautiful. That was us. We never had drama. We never had unresolvable conflicts or disagreements. We were perfect puzzle pieces for each other. It took me a long time to take off that ring; I would take it off, put it back on, and then take it off again. But now, it is safely sitting in my jewelry box. Sometimes I still have a small panic when I don’t feel it on my finger, until I remember.
That’s the worst part - remembering. Remembering all the good times we had. Remembering all the good things we were going to do. We were going to travel the world together. Get a small, cozy house and buy a couple of puppies. We were going to wake up to each other every morning, and fall asleep together every night. I still have a hard time letting go, because everything we had was so perfect. People would tell me that they wanted a relationship like ours. We were Eric & Arielle, after all. There was a Disney movie about us. We were soulmates; We were meant to be. It was the real deal.
Even though I had never dated another boy before, I knew that you were the one. There was no other guy that I met that even compared to you. No one was as loving, gentle and caring as you. You helped me fight my inner monsters. You helped me to be a more positive and optimistic person. You helped me to be more outgoing, and to believe that I could do anything that I wanted. You helped me to take a big breath when things got tough, or to get excited when things were boring.
Some days, it gets easier. I can go along, just doing my thing. But it’s still really hard for me some days. I still miss you a lot. I miss talking every day. I miss whispering cute things. I miss surprising you, and being surprised by you. I miss singing our favorite songs in the car. I miss the support I know I have when I’m with you. I miss our debates and discussions and counting down to when we get to see each other again. I miss our stolen kisses and afternoons in bed. I miss watching movies with you and cooking with you and talking walks through the park with you. I miss hearing you say “I love you” and being able to say “I love you too.” I miss us, and I miss you.
I know that the future is big and unknown. But despite whatever the future holds for the both of us, I know that the past four years will be something that eventually, I will be able to look back on happily. You were my first boyfriend, and my first true love. You were my high school sweetheart. You were a lot of things that are irreplaceable.
I opened myself so much to you, that you saw the real, raw, true me. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do that with any other guy. I want it work out for us in the future, but I understand what you said. These past four years are something that I’ll never be able to forget, whether we end up together or apart. You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I only wish that our situation was one that this relationship would work. I feel like my life led me to you, only to tear me from you.
But no matter what happens, you will always hold a special place in my heart. You have a piece of me that nobody else will ever have, or ever know.
Happy 4 years, Eric. I love you, from here to beyond, forever and always.
—Arielle.
by airbearrrr