They say when you love someone, age and distance are just numbers… and I’m going to have say, it’s true.
Eat, shower, back to computer - my daily routine. I rarely sleep. In fact, I have forgotten how it feels like to have 8 hours of satisfying sleep. I have been playing this online FPS game called Manga Fighter, but unfortunately, it had to be shut down last July. One day in June 2010, as usual, I was playing with friends and munching on junk food at around midnight when two random guys came up to us and just started trolling and all the meme talk (people who know 4chan knows this). And me, being a /b/tard, talked back and we began to spread the retard plague.
This guy, with the in-game name of Jesterhead, caught my attention the most because he talks so fucking retarded and he really did make me LOL so much. Few days passed, I asked him if he was on Facebook. He told me he has deactivated his account a long time ago but if I wanted to add him, he’s going to activate it again. Well, of course, I said I do. So, he did bring it back. We’d mess with each others’ wall and often spam, but Facebook wasn’t enough, so I asked for his MSN. So, yeah, from then on, we started talking nonstop and after a few weeks, I think I really like this guy. I always wait for him everyday then we go play afterwards. Troll whiners in the room and just laugh our asses off.
Then one day, I completely broke down. I was afraid of how I was feeling at the moment because I’ve always been against long distance relationships, alongside the thought that it’s bullshit that you can’t express love physically and things like that. I told him everything about my past relationship; the only one I’ve ever had. That ex and I have been together for 3 years, but he just gave up on me because of, um… Social standing and, well, a whole lot of different things. That was the most hurtful thing that has ever happened to me. I told him that I want to stop talking to him because he resembles too much of my ex’s traits, and the fact that he’s a year younger than me is just, I don’t know, plainly absurd for me. Also the fact that I’ve always thought I’m not worthy of someone because I’m fucked up in a lot of aspects. After all that, he was speechless. He just told me to stop talking to him if I think he’s that immature and that if I think he’s just a little boy who doesn’t know anything. I know I could not and would want him gone, and at the same time, I know I hurt him.
So, fast forward… After the awkward moment, we just continued talking everything and play as we always do. As time went by, I felt like I was gaining back what I lost. I feel loved again, and I was able to trust someone again. I trusted him. I am very thankful and I always see to it that I tell him how much I love him everyday and list shitloads of random stuff I want to do with him, even my favorite chick flicks, hahahaha.
It’s been really hard, though. We’re having a really hard time right now, and not to mention the past month, too, as we don’t get to talk as much because school’s back and stuff. Communication gap, if you may. We’ve suddenly grown apart, but those offline messages (on the picture) he left me earlier this morning just reminded me of how much he made me feel loved and alive once again, and as he kept repeating, he’s never going to give up because there will always be a reason to hold on ~ his love for me.