I still remember writing exactly how I felt about you in my phone, just to get it down that day.. Here I am in New York while you’re in California..
July 2010
There are so many times that we talk and I end up forgetting that you’re 2,700 miles away, until I reach over to hold you but I realize it’s just my pillow.. I find myself staring right through the computer screen and it would feel like I’m so close; right there in front of you, talking.. like there’s no one else in the world, nothing in between, I don’t see anything through the corners of my eyes because all I’m focused on is how badly I want to be where you are..it feels like that for hours and that’s what shakes me. & when we talk on the phone, just like you; I lie on my back and close my eyes, I feel like you’re whispering right in my ear, and I feel alright. It’s the most memorable conversation of the day, and the only thing running through our minds is the image of us being together. I can’t lie.. I’m pretty surprised that we both took a shot at this and we’re still making it work the best way possible, it’s hard for the both of us, but my feelings have continued to grow for you every time we talk, and every time I try to ignore it and stop it from becoming something bigger, all I have to do is take one look at you, and listen to your soothing voice, and it’s like my heart is being tugged on, asking for me to just let it go on.. I don’t want it to go away.
July 11th was the first time I held your hand, and felt your heart beat. The only thing keeping us away is the 2,700 miles in between but it’s worth it. -I’ll feel your heart beat again when I visit you in California, when you come to New York and when we go back to the Philippines. <3
I guess now it’s nothing..
October 2010
all I was focused on was how badly I wanted to be where you are, and on letting my days pass without a reminder that we have a long way ahead of us. From the chance that I also took, I guess I have my say in wether long distance works or not— for us, not at this moment. It really sucks, I can’t find another way of expressing it, but it. really. does. suck. I’m not gonna lie, I saw this coming at one point but I didn’t think it would attack me so soon..I wanted to continue to put my time and energy into what we had, I thought it could work out, I had enough patience and believed in it enough to think we could keep it up even if I knew we had certain ideas that was impossible to make happen because of the many miles that separate us. The frustrating thing is that: the 2700 mile difference is the only thing in the way. —But I guess that’s enough to convince just anyone huh?
The only thing I was able to do last night, was to hold myself still and admit that I understood what he was saying.. as much as I didn’t (and still sord of don’t) want to let it go, I don’t have much of a choice. To try and look on the bright side… well? Who knows what could happen when we do come across each other again, so going back to where I started, all I can do is breathe and soon “this too shall pass”- I guess I’m really alone on this one for now..